Celebrity Sweating: Excessive people, excessive sweating.

The long and sweaty arm of the Maria Shrapova and Maroon 3.5 or 4 or 7 or whatever publicity machine, has spun into damage control overdrive like a cornered, sweaty pussy at Michael Vick’s house on dogfight night. Supposedly, the lead singer of Maroon 8 summed up making love to sweaty Maria Sharapova as a pure let down, kinda like seeing Maroon 5 on YouTube and realizing that they’re just 5 white guys with pseudo alternative hairdos, styled in colorful outfits and playing pop soul like only 5 white guys can. Their songs are catchy enough, but it’s the aural equivalent of chewing gum. Anyways, this is the supposed quote flaming through the internets by Adam Levine:

She wouldn’t make any noise during sex. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she’d be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it ‘ruined her concentration.’ It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there’s no such thing as the Easter Bunny.

Now that’s a #@cking quote. Maroon 5 might be lame, Adam Levine can’t even dance, but man, that’s a frick’n quote if there ever was one. We suspect with added pressure by the Maria Sharapova minions, the Maroon 5 people had this to say:

I represent Maroon 5 and wanted to let you know that the quote on your site [from the Russian newspaper] isn’t true. Adam never said this, and they only met once at Maria’s birthday party in 2004.

No sweat when you’ve got PR people. Publicists are the high paid maids of celebrity and public life sweeping the dirt (and perspiration) away with their calculated little statements. Personally, we think Adam said what he said, but who really knows? What we know for sure is that the statement by the publicist isn’t true just by the sheer number of articles on the two being seen having many a secret rendezvous. Also, Maria Sharapova hasn’t ever denied dating Mr. Moron 4.

Maria Sharapova as Gay-Dar?

It all sounds like after the fact damage control or whatever, that quote, however, is just precious. It makes us drop our jaw and break out in a delightful, gossipy sweat. If it’s true, Maria Sharapova is a giant 6 foot tall false advertisement for sweaty shrieking monkey sex.

Sometimes people just aren’t good at everything, and Maria’s really good at a lot of things, subtract one thing from the list?

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