Demi Lovato Sweating the Hits

Capitalism, it never ends, except when it does (Louisiana?  Anyone?).

So there’s always more crappy products to buy and more stupid teenage Disney leftovers to sell.

Enter sweaty Demi Lovato.  Someone get the new model out, this copy is already expired.  A shiny, pampered, useless, excessive sweating mess of mediocrity singing meaningless lyrics into a placated zombified consuming mass.

Not So Sweaty Here, Demi Lovato: Consume by 2009

Why do you exist?  Seriously?  Why do you exist?  You neither move music forward or backwards.  You’re the Ground Hog Day of culture, made for the uninformed, tasteless, consuming masses to throw out your CD’s when they know better…

Your a tourist trap for retarded tourists.  Okay, we’re gonna stop, we’re in a sweaty bad mood.

Here, have a pretty picture, it made us feel a little better after listening to her crime-against-humanity music:

I’m special! I’m so special! Look at me!

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Sweatshops are Everything

Why do we care, and what does it have to do with Celebrity Sweating?  Well, a lot.  Because underneath the glamour of couture and Hollywood, exists sweatshops…And sweatshops make us excessive sweat, hardcore.

Can anyone explain to us, at Celebrity Sweating, why we pay $40 for shirt or $100 for a pair of tennis shoes when they cost like a $1 to make?  Why people make dollars a day making our overpriced junk?  We don’t get it because it’s not like things have gotten cheaper.  They certainly haven’t.

Nike Sweatshops

The International Labor Rights Forum has created a new list for 2010 of special sweatshop offenders.  From their website:

The official inductees of the 2010 Sweatshop Hall of Shame are: Abercrombie and Fitch, Gymboree, Hanes, Ikea, Kohl’s, LL Bean, Pier 1 Imports, Propper International, and Walmart. This list also includes an Honorable Mention to the American Apparel and Footwear Association, a national trade association representing apparel and footwear companies. This association has exhibited a flagrant disregard for workers’ rights by primarily focusing on maintaining trade with Honduras in the middle of a military coup.

You don’t have have to give us a reason to hate Abercrombie and Fitch or Walmart, both of them are all kinds of Nazi ugly, but having more reasons to hate them is cool with us.

So when you’re shopping this Christmas, just think a little bit about what’s important…  Think about a better, greener more friendly world, because big corporations don’t care about anyone, Wall Street, hello?

More about global sweatshops below:

GAP Sweats Child Labor Again, as GAP Sweatshops are Slaveshops

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What say you? You don’t remember who this sweaty old dude is? Well, he’s was that one-time hope for the Republican Party to breathe some, um, life, into the 2007 Republican presidential primary season. His entrance into the race amounted to the equivalent of someone dropping a turd into a punchbowl at prom. It caused a splash at first, but it’s still a turd, and an old, sweaty turd it is, but it still floats!

What can we say about excessive sweating Fred Thompson? Well, he helped take down Nixon for starters, so he’s not all bad… However, he has also helped transition the United States of America into the United Corporations against everyone else, as we are now pretty much a nation ruled by those who are in turn, ruled by huge multi-national conglomerates. We are not paranoid, we are informed, and also a really sweaty and nervous about the future.

Thank you Fred Thompson and all of the Democrats and Republicans for selling us all out for the last 30 years, and we welcome our new corporate overlords.

(Oh, and by the way, we sort of changed our minds about Obama, FISA has totally killed our hope for the future, we’re buying land in some remote, hot and sweaty 3rd world country)

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Does it taste like sweaty ass? All sweaty asses are not created the same…

Paramount Pictures has take a fictional product from the movie and created a real beverage to be marketed in the real world. Those in urban areas will be treated to the following sweat-infused copy:

delicious and bump up struttin’ energy drink that will pump up a brotha’s ass right-pronto. This swill will crank yo’ metabolism up skippin’ right over jiggy to straight G-pimp level, word to your mutha. Brothas will be layin’ down the 2-3 on the wiggy jig focusing the energy flow into cold-face benjamins that will fill yo’ pimp pockets to burstin’. Damn straight! Booty Sweat will keep a brotha pitchin’ straight game all night to the baby-dolls.

Those in the fly-over states or rural areas, will be treated to a plain can, cause you know, they aren’t down with the ebonics. Booty Sweat will be released ahead of the movie, later this summer, our sweaty asses can’t wait (sarcasm).

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The above photo is the manipulated GAP logo over the picture of child slave laborers being rescued from one of their so-called “subcontracted” sweatshops.

From the 2004 Guardian Unlimited article on the GAP child labor and sweatshop police:

The Gap said it has a team of more than 90 compliance officers who conducted about 8,500 factory visits last year. The company produces garments in 3,000 factories located in 50 countries.

The Gap said it cancelled supply deals with 136 plants last year because of various violations. Contracts were terminated with 42 plants in China, another 42 in south-east Asia, 31 on the Indian subcontinent and nine in Europe.

So like, what happened to those 90 sweatshop compliance officers? Do they all work for FEMA now, doing things such orchestrating fake news conferences and sweating over their gross, unfathomable incompetence? Whatever GAP’s excuses may be, their clothes have sucked at all levels for the last decade or so, we just didn’t think they could actually suck more.

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The above beats Tom Ford’s sweaty porno advertising for shear sweaty will alone. Dolce & Gabbana also beats out Tom Ford in low ethics and questionable intentions. Does sweaty gang rape really make people want to buy clothes? Is this what two gay fashion designers think heterosexual men are into? Women’s groups of course think the above sweaty image promotes violence against, well, women, duh. We think the real crime here is that the excessive sweating models are wearing way too many clothes.

A Socialite’s Life has this to say about the perspiration and rape themed photo:

The Spanish government and Italian senators have demanded the adverts be withdrawn from any and all publications.

The ad is said to be a “fantasy rape,” in which a woman is being down by her arms by a man. Dolce and Gabbana are infamous for their edgy campaigns, but groups particularly in Spain feel the photo is too much. Both Dolce and Gabbana deny that their aim was to Insinuate rape or violence against women.

If for some reason, any of you perspiring perverts out there would like the evidence in a larger format, you may download the sweaty fantasy rape ad here:

Dolce and Gabbana have since pulled the ad after protests in Spain and Italy. Who knew glamour and rape just don’t go together? D & G should just concentrate on the excessive sweat and glamour part, the rape, leave that to the current United States Republican Party (we apologize to non-Neocon Republicans, Go Ron Paul!).

Disclaimer:

We at Celebrity Sweating do not, of course, condone rape of any sort, sweaty or not, however, in our specific cases here at the office, we are all in agreement that all of us need a good rape from a hot sweaty model, male or female, and hopefully, by some time in the near future…

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We love the music (UB40, I Want to Make You Sweat). Ja Man! The video is about as authentic as the song. If you’re going to photoshop celebrities excessively sweating, at least make it sort of realistic, like use the same color sweat stains as the fabric. Really Dr. Fanklin (the sponsor of the sweating video), why’d you have to go all Dr. Frankenstein all over YouTube? We laughed, it’s sort of ‘over the top‘ bad and we really hope that’s what they were going for, if not, finding a friend who really knows Photoshop, is like not hard to do dudes. Isn’t I Want to Make You Sweat slightly the wrong message or the wrong song to use for an antiperspirant product? Nice attempt at a viral ad. Go and finish marketing 101. We think they skipped the execution and delivery part of the course. Whatever, retarded promo videos make our day, who are we kidding? Don’t sweat it.

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Microsoft has a huge image problem and the Steve Ballmer viral videos just aren’t helping. The below video basically proves that yes, indeed, we do come from monkeys (sweaty monkeys even), some of us more so then others…

Here’s the sweaty monkey part. Notice the scowl and concentration on his face. Can you say faulty programming? Can you say, restart the computer? We think if people didn’t start clapping, sweaty Steve would of started throwing major feces. Developers!

Microsoft, a monopoly of sweaty fools. Developers!

NOTE: Yes, billion-dollar perspiring nerds are celebrities, especially today with the culture of dispersed media and a very powerful internet (or ‘internets’ as your local Republican representative would say).

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