Demi Lovato Sweating the Hits

Capitalism, it never ends, except when it does (Louisiana?  Anyone?).

So there’s always more crappy products to buy and more stupid teenage Disney leftovers to sell.

Enter sweaty Demi Lovato.  Someone get the new model out, this copy is already expired.  A shiny, pampered, useless, excessive sweating mess of mediocrity singing meaningless lyrics into a placated zombified consuming mass.

Not So Sweaty Here, Demi Lovato: Consume by 2009

Why do you exist?  Seriously?  Why do you exist?  You neither move music forward or backwards.  You’re the Ground Hog Day of culture, made for the uninformed, tasteless, consuming masses to throw out your CD’s when they know better…

Your a tourist trap for retarded tourists.  Okay, we’re gonna stop, we’re in a sweaty bad mood.

Here, have a pretty picture, it made us feel a little better after listening to her crime-against-humanity music:

I’m special! I’m so special! Look at me!

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Sweatshops are Everything

Why do we care, and what does it have to do with Celebrity Sweating?  Well, a lot.  Because underneath the glamour of couture and Hollywood, exists sweatshops…And sweatshops make us excessive sweat, hardcore.

Can anyone explain to us, at Celebrity Sweating, why we pay $40 for shirt or $100 for a pair of tennis shoes when they cost like a $1 to make?  Why people make dollars a day making our overpriced junk?  We don’t get it because it’s not like things have gotten cheaper.  They certainly haven’t.

Nike Sweatshops

The International Labor Rights Forum has created a new list for 2010 of special sweatshop offenders.  From their website:

The official inductees of the 2010 Sweatshop Hall of Shame are: Abercrombie and Fitch, Gymboree, Hanes, Ikea, Kohl’s, LL Bean, Pier 1 Imports, Propper International, and Walmart. This list also includes an Honorable Mention to the American Apparel and Footwear Association, a national trade association representing apparel and footwear companies. This association has exhibited a flagrant disregard for workers’ rights by primarily focusing on maintaining trade with Honduras in the middle of a military coup.

You don’t have have to give us a reason to hate Abercrombie and Fitch or Walmart, both of them are all kinds of Nazi ugly, but having more reasons to hate them is cool with us.

So when you’re shopping this Christmas, just think a little bit about what’s important…  Think about a better, greener more friendly world, because big corporations don’t care about anyone, Wall Street, hello?

More about global sweatshops below:

GAP Sweats Child Labor Again, as GAP Sweatshops are Slaveshops

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What say you? You don’t remember who this sweaty old dude is? Well, he’s was that one-time hope for the Republican Party to breathe some, um, life, into the 2007 Republican presidential primary season. His entrance into the race amounted to the equivalent of someone dropping a turd into a punchbowl at prom. It caused a splash at first, but it’s still a turd, and an old, sweaty turd it is, but it still floats!

What can we say about excessive sweating Fred Thompson? Well, he helped take down Nixon for starters, so he’s not all bad… However, he has also helped transition the United States of America into the United Corporations against everyone else, as we are now pretty much a nation ruled by those who are in turn, ruled by huge multi-national conglomerates. We are not paranoid, we are informed, and also a really sweaty and nervous about the future.

Thank you Fred Thompson and all of the Democrats and Republicans for selling us all out for the last 30 years, and we welcome our new corporate overlords.

(Oh, and by the way, we sort of changed our minds about Obama, FISA has totally killed our hope for the future, we’re buying land in some remote, hot and sweaty 3rd world country)

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Does it taste like sweaty ass? All sweaty asses are not created the same…

Paramount Pictures has take a fictional product from the movie and created a real beverage to be marketed in the real world. Those in urban areas will be treated to the following sweat-infused copy:

delicious and bump up struttin’ energy drink that will pump up a brotha’s ass right-pronto. This swill will crank yo’ metabolism up skippin’ right over jiggy to straight G-pimp level, word to your mutha. Brothas will be layin’ down the 2-3 on the wiggy jig focusing the energy flow into cold-face benjamins that will fill yo’ pimp pockets to burstin’. Damn straight! Booty Sweat will keep a brotha pitchin’ straight game all night to the baby-dolls.

Those in the fly-over states or rural areas, will be treated to a plain can, cause you know, they aren’t down with the ebonics. Booty Sweat will be released ahead of the movie, later this summer, our sweaty asses can’t wait (sarcasm).

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Something’s lost in translation here above and we think that someone’s going to get fired, as pet sweat just doesn’t sound appealing on an international level, on any level really… Andy in other international excessive sweating news, the London Underground was totally taken over by an internet-organized rave…

On June 1st, the London transport system was heavily disrupted overnight as thousands of internet randoms held a spontaneous and unauthorised “drinks party” on underground trains before an alcohol ban went into effect.

The key Circle Line which serves some of the capital’s most exclusive districts was shut down as thousands of people gathered for a booze-up on Tube trains after being rallied by social networking websites.

“There are problems on the Circle Line and it has been stopped,” a London Transport Police spokesman said.

David Mudkips, a 25-year-old computer programmer, described the experience on one of the trains packed with revellers as: “Like rush hour but fun. There were people’s sweaty armpits in my face but I didn’t care because I was drinking.”

Yeah, there are very few situations where sweaty armpits in our faces are pleasant, enjoyable events, but we guess random party sweat from stranger is better than bottled dog sweat…

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Panic at the Disco’s perspiration filled press conference was to announce that they, oh my god Becky, are headlining the Honda Civic Tour. Could you imagine David Bowie headlining the Ford Pinto Tour in the late 70′s? I mean what kind of sweaty douchebags sign on for the Honda Civic Tour? The kind that know that they suck and want to cash out as quickly as possible. There’s like a ton of different ways to make money in the music game, if a sponsor isn’t right for your image, well, there are other sponsors… These guys might as well whore themselves on Sunset Boulevard because you can’t really sellout any less transparently. Oh yeah, did we say that they’re sweaty douchebags?

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The above photo is the manipulated GAP logo over the picture of child slave laborers being rescued from one of their so-called “subcontracted” sweatshops.

From the 2004 Guardian Unlimited article on the GAP child labor and sweatshop police:

The Gap said it has a team of more than 90 compliance officers who conducted about 8,500 factory visits last year. The company produces garments in 3,000 factories located in 50 countries.

The Gap said it cancelled supply deals with 136 plants last year because of various violations. Contracts were terminated with 42 plants in China, another 42 in south-east Asia, 31 on the Indian subcontinent and nine in Europe.

So like, what happened to those 90 sweatshop compliance officers? Do they all work for FEMA now, doing things such orchestrating fake news conferences and sweating over their gross, unfathomable incompetence? Whatever GAP’s excuses may be, their clothes have sucked at all levels for the last decade or so, we just didn’t think they could actually suck more.

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