Click here to view the embedded video.

How do you say?  Excessive sweating explosion? No?

Celebrity Sweating loves that this ten kilo-ton sweating bomb, which is obviously more powerful that what we thought was humanly possible, is also wearing a gold chain topped by the thug haircut.  Really good look there Walter Pandiani.  Poor Walter, you can’t be to hard on a guy named Walter…

Soccer, who understands it.  Hardly anything ever happens and these overpaid playboys cheat and act their way into winning games all the time.  Sweaty dude is sweaty.

By the way, we’re back.  Sorry for the hiatus, we were working on our gangster rap careers. Okay, fine, it was interpretive dance, and it made us feel whole inside.  You shut that filthy mouth of yours!

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Zac Efron Excessive Sweating for Fashion's Sake

Some people are just too lucky, and in this case, it’s okay, because all in all, Zac Efron is one of the good guys in Hollywood.

Zac Efron Sweating the Gym Parking Lot

Excessive sweating dude gives good face, even good sweaty face.  We give  up, dude’s just too beautiful to make fun of, and what could you say?

You can see Mr. Zac Efron in a film adaption of Full Metal Panic called Panic and the live-action adaption of Johny Quest.

These big budget movies could settle sweaty Zac Efron firmly as a Hollywood leading man, depending upon their box office success of course.

Zac Efron's Sweaty Pretty Face

Even a gross sweaty close-up doesn’t ruin this man’s face.

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Keanu Reeves is One of the Coolest Sweaty Dudes on Earth

Sweaty airport traveler Keanu Reeves takes out stage hands for free lunches, gives crew members $20,000 (£16,500) bonuses, helps a women jumpstart there cars.  And to top it off, his name means “cool breeze through a mountain.”  What does your name mean?  Here’s a the Point Break trailer, this was the top of cool in the 90′s, we get excessively sweaty just thinking about this movie, rad.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Keanu Reeves has never married and no, the world does not make any sense.

Neither is the world fair!  In December of 1999, Keanu Reeves’ girlfriend Jennifer Syme gave birth to a stillborn daughter who was named Ava Archer Syme-Reeves.

Fast-forward to 2008, Keanu Reeves was sued, unsuccessfully in Los Angeles Superior Court for $711,974 by douche bag paparazzo Alison Silva for allegedly hitting and injuring him with his Porsche after visiting a relative at a Los Angeles medical facility. That’s right, Keanu was visiting someone at the hospital and gets sued.  Alison Silva makes scum look clean.  The frivolous lawsuit took a year and a half to make it to trial, during which time Alison Silva continued to attack Keanu Reeves and demand payment. At the trial all 12 jurors rejected the suit only needing an hour of deliberation to reach their verdict.  Keanu Reeves was cleared of all the charges.

Keanu Reeves is a Sweaty Immortal

While shooting some films in Australia he amazed the team of stuntmen by giving them each a £6,000 Harley Davidson motorcycle, and he’s done this sort of thing for a lot of productions.  There are no stories of Keanu Reeves being a douche bag.  None.  Just awesome stories about an awesome guy who’s had at times, a really rough life.

When Keanu Reeves sweats it up by playing bass for Dogstar, and the drunk groupie sluts are ruining the show and yelling “We love you!!!” and showing their boobs, you know what Keanu does?  He takes his bass and walks to behind the speaker stack and plays where he won’t be seen.  We’re not as cool as Keanu.  Hardly anyone is.

Keanu Reeves, you can sweat all you want, you’re most excellent.

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Jeremy Piven Sweating an Emmy for HBO

Ari Gold, or in real life (whatever that means), Jeremy Piven gets all sweaty during the Emmys, as he should, cause totally won brah.  Surf’s up for sweaty Jeremy Piven, who’s hit the Hollywood A-list with his character from HBO’s Entourage.

Who would have thought a show about some talentless hacks and their douche bag Hollywood friends would become such a hit?

Given that Jeremy Piven’s character basically makes the show and excessive sweating douche bag Adrian Grenier‘s acting and performance, basically ruins the show, you’d think that things would cancel each other out.  If only life was as simple as a math problem, it’d be no sweat.

Here’s an Ari Gold highlight reel, pure gold:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Jeremy Piven Keeping the Shape with a Good Sweat

You know, Tom Cruise‘s infamous Les Grossman character from Tropic Thunder is the sweatier Ari Gold, with more sweating, cocaine and steroids added, and we can’t be the first bloggers to point that out…

Anyways, here’s a bro hug for you, perspiration-faced Jeremy Piven, your Hollywood time has come.

Jeremy Piven Sweating the Malibu Triathlon

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Mark Zuckerberg: Billion-Dollar Excessive Sweating in a Cold Room

You make stupid logos that make it seem like you and your over-hyped, ivy league wet-dream of a company want to take over the world in the nerdiest way possible.  Grow up and look around, you’re nobody without Facebook, and Facebook is just an idea you most likely stole from someone else.  All you did was made Friendster and MySpace better.  Do you really honestly think you’re the end of this social network evolution?  Wake-up and cash your chips you sweaty nerd-sociopath.

The Cult of Facebook: Sweaty Evil

Oh my god, it’s freezing in here and you’re profusely sweating like you’ve just lost a billion dollars… You just did, because Facebook isn’t really worth 15 billion, only morons would think that, and now that you’ve blown this interview, you’ve really lost value for Facebook.

Here’s a reaction from an attendee from the tech conference that Mark Zuckerberg was being interviewed at:

5:08 pm: My God, Zuckerberg is literally dissolving in a lake of his own sweat. He is visibly flushed, and you can see the beads of sweat rolling down his face. Could this be his Nixon moment?

Mark Zuckerberg Profusely Sweating Through His Pivacy Settings

So what actually went down?  Mark got interviewed, starts sweating his nerd nuts off and the interviewer Kara notes this and suggests the awkward Mark Zuckerberg to take off the lame hoodie he’s wearing, asking:

“You all right? We’re not even yelling at you…yet.”

Mark Zuckerberg refuses to take off the ugly hoodie. I never take it off, he says. Then he wipes the excessive sweat from his brow, looks at the resulting sweat stain on his arm, and then says “whoa,” relents and takes it off.

So in the interview with the Wall Street Journal’s Kara Swisher and Walt Mossberg, Mark Zuckerberg insisted on keeping his lame dark grey hoodie until his strange profuse sweating, (the room was chilly cold) forced the Facebook CEO to take it off.   Creepy eyes (Mark Zuckerberg) then joked about Walt Mossberg’s privacy questions by threatening awkwardly that he does better in internal Facebook meetings because, “I get to wear my hoodie there.”  That’s a like a lame douche bag saying on a date:

“I do better when I’m home masturbating.”

We smell sweaty douche bag, in like the biggest way.  It’s so obvious that Facebook changes it’s privacy settings so much so that all of our information can be stolen and sold, otherwise why are these settings automatically set to less private instead of more private?  And why does he talk like a robot and move his head around as if he’s some sort of animatronic doll?  Creepy dude is creepy.

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Sweaty Gerard Butler in the Greek Exploitation Film 300

Sweaty Faced Gerard Butler at ComicCon

You can literally hit it big in Hollywood with one movie where the special effects are really the star, follow that movie (300) by making all the wrong choices, and still be rich.  God bless America.  It really makes you excessively sweaty just thinking about it.Look at this gloating bastard, just look at that sweaty face…

Gerard Butler, you’re about as memorable as a zit in sixth grade, really, what is your thing?  Who are you?  Why are you famous?  Just go away already, you’ve failed.

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Demi Lovato Sweating the Hits

Capitalism, it never ends, except when it does (Louisiana?  Anyone?).

So there’s always more crappy products to buy and more stupid teenage Disney leftovers to sell.

Enter sweaty Demi Lovato.  Someone get the new model out, this copy is already expired.  A shiny, pampered, useless, excessive sweating mess of mediocrity singing meaningless lyrics into a placated zombified consuming mass.

Not So Sweaty Here, Demi Lovato: Consume by 2009

Why do you exist?  Seriously?  Why do you exist?  You neither move music forward or backwards.  You’re the Ground Hog Day of culture, made for the uninformed, tasteless, consuming masses to throw out your CD’s when they know better…

Your a tourist trap for retarded tourists.  Okay, we’re gonna stop, we’re in a sweaty bad mood.

Here, have a pretty picture, it made us feel a little better after listening to her crime-against-humanity music:

I’m special! I’m so special! Look at me!

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Keith Flint Sweating Out Flames

Sweaty dancer turned vocalist, turned British celebrity, Keith Flint has lived a charmed life, not always starting with fire…

Recently excessive sweating Keith Flint has tried to go solo with several side projects, including the bands Flint and Clever Brains Fryin’.

However, the perennially insane-looking Keith Flint only had one commercial release from these projects with Aim4 by FLINT. FLINT‘s debut album “Device #1″ was cancelled before its release.

Not too much of  a fire starter with the hits, eh governor?  The sweaty Prodigy entertainer is currently dating Japanese DJ Mayumi Kai.  All the sweaty dorks love asian girls!  Who doesn’t however?

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Jack Nicolson Sweating Being So Damn Cool

What does Jack Nicholson do on a boat?  He parties you idiot.  What else do you do on a boat?

Jack Nicholson Parties Harder Than You

Hey you there, in the blue bikini, catch the wind!

Jack Nicholson: Sweaty Old Man Overboard

Classic Hollywood’s Johnny Depp…

Click here for more Jack Nicholson sweating.

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Jessica Simpson Sweats Into PG-13

Thank you?  Okay, what else is there left to say?  Is there more Jessica Simpson nipple slip sweating?  Yes!  There’s more!

Ah, the gods of sweating, you have not forsaken us!

It's a Tough Job, But We Have to Report On ALL Sweating

Sweaty Jessica Simpson,  you’re so good at… well, being Jessica Simpson!  Go you!

Click here for more Jessica Simpson related hot sweating!

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Stunning Blake Lively All in Red and Sweat

Just look at that talent!  There’s solar power in that head of hers…  That excessive face sweating can reflect lasers!

Blake Lively Sweating Legs for Esquire

Blake Lively Giving Good Sweaty Face

Blake Lively plays Serena on Gossip girl when she’s not going pants-less and sweaty on Esquire magazine’s cover.  The 5’10 blonde bombshell just seems all sweetness and spice and she’s also talented!  Talented as an actress you perv!

You can see Blake Lively cast as Carol Ferris in the up-coming 2011 superhero movie, Green Lantern.  We’d definitely leave the lantern on for her…

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Nick Nolte Excessive Sweating with Fantastic Style

Why we love sweaty Nick Nolte?  Man, because he’s the edge  yo.  Dude.  DUDE!

Back in September of 2002,  Nick Nolte checked himself before he wrecked himself, into the Silver Hill Hospital in Connecticut for some sort of famous person therapy.   This is of course after the perspiration drenched actor was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving in Malibu.  Drug tests later shown that he was under the influence of GHB, the “date rape” drug.  Nick Nolte commented about the club drug by saying:

“been taking it for four years and I’ve never been raped”

Indeed, indeed Nick Nolte…

Nick Nolte Zombie Sweating, Got Brains?

And as a reminder, we’re including the life-affirming horror that is Gary Busey.  Enjoy, but enjoy in small quantities:

Gary Busey Sweat-Inducing Fright

Are you sweating?  It’s really just too hilarious!

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Excessively Sweaty Owen Wilson

Oh Wes Anderson darling, sweaty Owen Wilson, you have that natural talent of playing you, so well…  Because in every movie, you’re basically that guy, Owen Wilson, yeah, that guy again.  That guy with the oddly mesmerizing nose.

But it’s really okay, because your  one character is really sort of charming.  Yeah, really, it’s no sweat.  Who cares  about range when you have consistency?  Who cares about sweating?  We do.

So really, keep doing what your doing, Mr. Owen Wilson, it’s vaguely entertaining and somewhat comforting in a flatter-your-own-intelligence-like-way, exactly like a Wes Anderson movie, except without the antique but colorful palette.

More Owen Wilson indie cred excessive sweating below:

Does Owen Wilson Nose About His Excessive Sweat?

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Usher Excessive Sweating and Earning His Keep

Perspiration face Usher has some bumping songs, but we don’t get the appeal beyond that…

We have to rip sweaty Usher, because we’ve seen all those cheesy movies he’s been in where he plays a magical, musical African American teenager that causes spontaneous coordinated dancing among white teens everywhere…

Click here to view the embedded video.

We’re just amazed that Hollywood can find this many coordinated white people and put them in one room and force them to dance.  We think it’s some sort of sweaty crime against zoomanity, but we don’t have all the facts yet.  What we do know, is perspiration-challenged Usher will do anything, be a part of anything, to gradually climb the crap pile that is modern pop culture.  Usher, slut for hire…  More evidence you ask?

Click here to view the embedded video.

The prosecution rests…  How can you expect anyone to take your music seriously after the above?  Really?  We think someone did a liposuction on Usher’s soul.  True Hollywood Story.

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Gwyneth Paltrow Screen Actors Guild Excessive Sweating

Impossibly cute at times, but never quite sexy, sweaty Gwyneth Paltrow has made a career out of starring in small movies that no one goes to see, except the occasional, sweaty, and pimply indie film geek of course (but they’ll go see anything).

Excessive sweating boobies Gwyneth Paltrow always plays the same sort of girl, the seemingly classy and mysterious art girl.  The sort of screen girl you bring home to the fictional uptight parents.  You know, because she’s cute and knows more about 19th century literature than you do.

Back in 2008, sweaty Gwyneth Paltrow shed her indie cred and appeared in Iron Man as Pepper Potts, the main character Stark’s closest friend, budding love interest, and business partner after Pepper replaced Obadiah Stane as CEO of Stark Industries.

Gwyneth Paltrow was hesitant to appear in a comic book action film, but she was convinced by Republican actor (there are so few in Hollywood you really have to make note), Robert Downey Jr., the star, and director Jon Favreau.  Sweaty Paltrow recalled a conversation with Downey, saying:

“Robert called me and he said, ‘This is gonna be fun, and this is gonna be good.’ And then he said to me, ‘Don’t you want to be in a movie that people see?’ And I was like, ‘Whoa! What would that feel like?’ And he’s right. Moviemaking is not supposed to be a masturbatory exercise; it’s supposed to be shared by other people.”

Tell that to Pee Wee Herman!  Oh Gwyneth, did you really have to reproduce with Coldplay?

A Face Only a Makeup Counter Would Love: Gwyneth Paltrow Face Excessive Sweating

Perspiring Gwyneth Paltrow is set to be in the sequel to Iron Man, the cleverly named,  Iron Man 2. As to her man, Chris Martin, check the link below for Chris Martin excessive sweating.

All Excessive Perspiration and No Funk, Chris Martin Lets Loose

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Rihanna Sweating Through All of Her Silkiness

Get some antiperspirant for that excessive sweating yo, you’re gonna sweat stain that silk!

A little Rihanna face sweating never hurt anyone.  You’re all kinds of sweaty hot miss thing.

Rihanna Performance Face Sweating

Sweaty face Rihanna, we want to like you, especially after that whole Chris Brown domestic violence thing, but after seeing the video below, it’s hard not to hate on you.  For realz dawg.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Whoring up a sweat by gyrating on tanks in middle eastern surroundings just isn’t cool.  We know, you’re trying to be all Lady Gaga, with your outfits and themes, but you’re straight up stupid in this video and the song sucks too.

Stick to this sort of thing Rihanna:

Click here to view the embedded video.

That’s what made you hot, take not hot sweaty thing.

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Tobey Maguire Looks Good in Cycling Gear

The sweating cyclist has the acting chops!  Go see Brothers, his latest that’s out in theaters now.

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Yeah, totally intense brah.  Veterans, getting shafted since forever.

Robots however, are the box office future as Warner Bros. has plans to do a live action Robotech movie franchise, based on the anime series.  The fast-tracked production is obviously taking advantage of the Transformers hype and success.  We hope Hollywood doesn’t kill a good thing.

Sweaty Tobey Maguire has said:

“We are very excited to bring ‘Robotech’ to the big screen…There is a rich mythology that will be a great foundation for a sophisticated, smart and entertaining film…”

We can’t wait to see who plays all of the divas in the live action series!

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Tiger Woods Classy Perspiration

Tiger Woods Man in the Mirror Sweating

Sweaty Tiger Woods, you come out of hiding to make a wimpy little statement about your infidelities, and then come out of hiding again and you go and say you’ve quit golf indefinitely…  Got nuts?  Really?

You chase literally everything that sweats in your path, standards be damned, and now you’re going away to your Swedish island that you’ve just bought with the Mrs. Woods, to hide again?  Got nuts?

Where’s the red shirt now Tiger Woods?  Sweating much these days?

Well, how about where’s your wife’s wedding ring?

Elin Nordegren No Tiger Woods Ring...

It’s not on your wife, Elin Nordegren’s finger…  And thank god.  She deserves better than a sweaty, trashy traveling saleman husband.  Amen.

Here’s an update on the mistress count:

1. Rachel Uchitel. Oh Rachel, thank you for breaking the sweaty dam that drowned Tiger Woods in his own filth.  The VIP club hostess was the first (oh to be the first!) of the women to be intimately linked to Tiger Woods (and probably paid off) after the National Enquirer reported that she traveled to Australia to be with Tiger Woods during a golf tournament there.

2. Jamie Grubbs, who is just your average I want to be famous kind of Hollywood girl, and even more so now.

3. Kalika Moquin is some sort of marketing executive for the Bank nightclub, we wonder if she makes bank? This affair came to light in Life & Style magazine, Kalika Moquin replied of course with an inspiring no comment (probably because she’s made bank).

4. Cori Rist was named as another mistress, go Tiger!  Go after those difficult catches!  Shoot for the stars!   She has answered, again, inspiringly, with a no comment to allegations of the affair. She is 31 years old. An awesome former fiance of hers told the media about Cori’s time lost in the Woods, the sweaty, vapid Tiger Woods.

5. Jamie Jungers is an out this world and incredible Las Vegas drink waitress (sarcasm) and is said to have been involved with Tiger Woods for approximately 18 months. Thems a lot of drinks!

6.) Mindy Lawton is a 33 year old waitress who told her story to the U.K. publication, News of the World. Many have come out publicly to state that they do not believe Mindy Lawton’s Tiger Woods me too! story.

7. Holly Sampson gave a detailed account of her relationship with Tiger Woods in a video that was filmed on May 26, 2009.

8. Julie Postle, who’s pictured on the right, below, was ratted out by someone who used to date her (Brian Kimbrough).  Julie Postle worked as a cocktail waitress in Orlando when she started to get a some Tiger Woods in 2004.  She currently lives in Texas.

Julie Postle: Just Another Victim of Sweaty Tiger Woods

9. Theresa Rogers, who’s what the kids call a “cougar” these days, is a florida woman in her 40′s who reportedly started seeing equal opportunity Tiger Woods before and after his marriage.

10. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 10.

11. Joslyn James, she has neither confirmed nor denied the rumors.

12. Loredana Jolie, who’s a Playboy model and an escort.

13. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 13.

14. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 14.

And you know there’s like hundreds more…  All of them working up a sweat over giving up there dignity and privacy for the tabloid money.

Check out our original post from last week:

Why is This Man Sweating? The Tiger is Out of The Woods!

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Christina Aguilera Sweating Through Layers and Layers of Makeup

What do we have against perspiration joker face Christina Aguilera?  Oh nothing but everything!

Hot Christina Aguilera, No Sweating Here

Yeah, we know, she’s all kinds of hot and sweaty!  But she’s even more kinds of mediocre!

If you work in the industry (the entertainment industry) and have dealt with sweaty Christina Aguilera, you know the nightmare of insecurity and power that is today’s vapid pop princess.  For example, she demands makeup on all of her parts…  Yes, her arms, legs, everything and this was even back when she was a teenager…

And her music?  It’s most likely used to torture terrorists somewhere, True Hollywood Story.  But it’s all okay, because she’s now graduated to celebrity mom and you can also see her on some highly annoying commercials lately.

In the GQ issue where she appears on the left, sweaty Christina Aguilera expressed disappointment in fellow singer Mariah Carey, saying that Carey ”was never cool to me.”

Christina Aguilera continues the story with:

“One time we were at a party, I think she got really drunk, and had really derogatory things to say to me.”

Mariah Carey then of course released a statement:  ”It is sad yet predictable that she would use my name at this time to reinvent past incidents for promotional gain.”

Christina Aguilera then responded by saying, “My intentions were not to upset Mariah with any statements published or taken out of context. I have all the respect in the world for her.”

We really don’t like either popstar, but we really don’t like Mariah Carey…  And think she’s even trashier than Christina Aguilera, but we love a meaningless sweaty celebrity battle!

Here’s one of her recent songs…  Get it, she’s knows how to press buttons, how cute!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Yes, all kinds of meaninglessness…  And you can’t have that time back.

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Alicia Keys Concert Sweating

Girlfriend cant excessive sweat!Oil spill on your sweaty love hills!  Unnatural disaster!

Alicia Keys Concert Boob Sweating

Sweaty Alicia Keys will of course come out with her fourth album this month (December 15th), calling it “The Element of Freedom.”  Fascinating title, not.  The lead song from the album, appropriately titled “Doesn’t Mean Anything,” can be watched below, where you can decide for yourself:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Totally forgettable.  A nice adult contemporary beat, non-offensive lyrics that are meaningless and overly repetitive, it’ll be a huge hit in the nursing homes!  You can totally see grandma bumping and grinding and working up a sweat to this one.

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Johnny Depp Rock'n'Roll Excessive Sweating

Sweaty Johnny Depp was given a guitar by his mom when he was 12 and Depp began breaking a sweat playing in an American tradition, garage bands.   Johnny Depp, in turn, has always been a romantic, proof being that even back then his first band was in honor of his girlfriend, Meredith.

Johnny Depp dropped out of high school about a year after his parents got divorced to become a sweaty rock musician.  Mr. Depp once explained on Inside the Actors Studio, that he tried to go back to school a few weeks later, but the principal of the school told him to follow his dream of being a musician. Wow, where did he go to school?  The School of Rock?

Sweating Johnny Depp Sweaty Rock Pirate

 

Before he left town, little Johnny Depp played with The Kids, a band that enjoyed modest local success. The Kids set out together for Los Angeles in pursuit of a record deal.  They then changed their name to Six Gun Method.

The band broke up before they could sign a deal with a record company.  Obviously, they needed more guns in their method…

Sweaty Depp subsequently collaborated with the band Rock City Angels and co-wrote their song “Mary”, which appeared on Rock City Angels’ debut for Geffen Records titled Young Man’s Blues.

Johnny Depp has recorded a solo album, as a guitar player only…  Depp has also played slide guitar on the Oasis song “Fade In-Out” (from Be Here Now, 1997), as well as on “Fade Away (Warchild Version)” (b-side of the “Don’t Go Away” single).

Johnny’s musical abilities has also leaked into his film career.  Depp played acoustic guitar in the movie Chocolat and on the soundtrack to Once Upon a Time in Mexico.

Johnny Depp has seemingly never let his film career completely overcome his music interests.  He is a friend of The Pogues‘ Shane MacGowan, and performed on MacGowan’s first solo album. As well, he was a member of P, another musical group featuring Butthole Surfers singer Gibby Haynes and Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Flea.  

Mr. Depp has also appeared in Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers‘ music video “Into the Great Wide Open“.

Johnny Depp Oozes Rock Talent

We love you Johnny Depp, even the overly sweating version, but wear some antiperspirant on stage, you’d still be authentic, trust us…

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