Sweaty Danny Bonaduce: The Ed Hardy Demographic

Sweaty Danny Bonaduce (what a douche he), isn’t just a Ed Hardy customer, he is the core demographic for douche bag clothing everywhere!

“Yo brah, you got that in pink?”

In the picture on the left, sweaty boobs Danny Bonaduce could be on a casting call for the next Gremlins (the resemblance to the gremlins from the movie is uncanny).

Excessive sweating in pink, so manly.

We don’t know too much about Danny Bonaduce, besides he smells of douche, but we do know that he’s some sort of rabid Republican, which turns up the douche bag meter by quite a bit.

Leaky boobs Danny Bonaduce loves to be a guest on political shows.  He is, of course, a strong supporter of capital punishment and a strong military.

On Fox News, or faux news, sweaty Bonaduce stated that Jane Fonda should have been murdered for treason for her role in support of the Vietnamese authorities during the Vietnam War.  He also stated on MSNBC’s Scarborough Country saying:

“Personally I think at this point if anyone had a rope thick enough, I think that Rosie should be strung up for treason.”

Ever classy Danny Bonaduce is referring to Rosie O’Donnell.  Sweaty Danny Bonaduce is really committed to be a douche bag.  True Hollywood Story.

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Professional Partier Paris Hilton Excessive Sweating

Controversially, our time’s Marilyn Monroe of sorts, sweaty Paris Hilton has recently been eclipsed by new Hollywood scene bimbos (and we say bimbo with affection). For example, Disney’s little teen star, Miley Cyrus, recently did a dance routine based around strippers.  Paris Hilton might act stupid, but she doesn’t celebrate stupid.  Yes, there’s a difference.

To the right, you can see sweaty Paris Hilton, in her natural environment, looking bored and full of excessive perspiration.

So much sweating, so little care…

After sweaty Paris Hilton, sex tapes just don’t mean what they used to.  They’re almost a launching point to one’s career (notice sweaty Kim Kardashian).

We do hate on sweaty Paris Hilton for one thing, helping start the trend of annoyingly needy girls with small dogs.  If you live in Los Angeles,  you know our pain.

Future Paris Hilton No Sweating

More Paris Hilton sweating and antiperspirant gaffes:

Excessive Celebrity Sweating Top Ten List

Paris Hilton’s Excess Jail Sweat to Be Autioned on Ebay

Snort Paris Hilton’s Sweat-Proof Armpits

Paris Hilton Really Likes Flaky White Stuff

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Oksana Baiul Excessive Perspiration Armpits

Excessive sweating Oksana Baiul gives trashy American-Russian (actually Ukrainian) a bad name…  Or ex-figure skaters the world around.

Between the drunk driving and celebrity poker circuit, sweaty blonde ghost of Olympic ice rinks past, Oksana Baiul likes to show up on the red carpet with a sweaty swamp underneath her arms.

If you really want to see how disastrous this blonde sweaty sponge can be, keep reading…

Yeah, you can age gracefully, or you can, well, do the following.  There’s no sweating, but Oksana, darling, you need a whole new look, probably a whole new you.  Yeah, we would say, buy some sweat stopping antiperspirant and press the reset button on that closet of yours.

Oksana Baiul No Sweating but a Lot of Mess

Lets start with the grandma hot pants here…  Unless you’re Richard Simmons, this just isn’t going to work anywhere except the local truck stop…

Lamb of God is crying somewhere.

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Wilmer Valderrama Sweating Hipster

Just look at this lucky, sweaty immigrant!  And we say that with sweaty love…  Mucho love!  Because Excessive sweating armpits Wilmer Valderrama got famous, funny enough, playing an accented, flaming  immigrant on That 70′s Show.

You know, that old joke that foreign men are simply more, well, feminine…  And in this case, sweaty!

Wilmer Valderrama is of course, still close friends with former That ’70s Show co-stars Topher Grace, Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson (Scientologist).

Wilmer Valderrame is also very famous for being a man about town, a Hollywood hipster that’s dated some major female players in Young Hollywood.

He’s dated Mandy Moore for 18 months between 2000-2002 and the ever aging rapidly through wonderful coke, Lindsay Lohan in 2003-04. He then also dated walking future Stepford Wife, Hilary Duff.

The immigrant star created a sweaty, horny media storm  from a March 2006 radio interview with Howard Stern, where Wilmer Valderrama complained about the size of his penis, claimed to have stolen Mandy Moore’s virginity, and rated the sexual prowess of singer-actresses Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ashlee Simpson.  It makes us excessively perspire in jealousy, really…

Wilmer Valderrama had reportedly disappeared from the Hollywood hipster scene since saying the all of the above…  Mandy Moore later referred to Valderrama as a “good guy” and a “gentleman”, although she has stated that his comments about their relationship were “utterly tacky”.  Speaking of utterly tacky, check out the Howard Stern cartoon based on the Wilmer Valderrama interview (sweaty Wilmer Valderrama is Captain Craps).

Click here to view the embedded video.

And lastly, the short latino stud has been rumored to have dated Alexandra Cheron.  From Venezuela to dating the hottest young white stars of Hollywood…  Where are the all the lame border minutmen?  Ha, we’re gonna get some hate letters, from like everyone!

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Cameron Diaz Excessive Sweating But Looking Cute

Not OCD about the excessive sweating…

Cameron Diaz Excessive Sweating All Over Hollywood

With all of the sweating and not necessarily in the limelight too much, sweaty Cameron Diaz still manages to really rake in the Hollywood money.

This past August, Forbes Magazine ranked sweaty Cameron Michelle Diaz as the highest paid actress in Hollywood. We don’t know how it’s possible… Hollywood is a crazy place where even when your star fades, you make loony tunes bank!

The sweaty OCD actress reportedly earned $50 million in the period of a year ending June, 2008, for her roles in What Happens in Vegas and in the third installment of Shrek. Not too bad for an armpit faucet who habitually rubs doorknobs so hard and so often before opening to clean them, that the paint fades from the doorknobs. Wacky!

Cameron Diaz Sweating Through Her Stardom

Cameron Diaz the sweat fairy of Hollywood, leaving clean doorknobs and sweat stains every where she goes, collecting major cash along the way… It’s some kind of sweaty fairy tale.

More Cameron Diaz excessive sweating in Hollywood:

The Sweaty Sex Emperor is Dead, Long Live The Sexy Back Biel

Ghost of Romantic Comedies Past, Cameron Diaz Sweats Being Single

Please Somebody, Take it Off of the Shelf! More Sweaty Pics of Expired Cameron Diaz

Excessive Celebrity Sweating Top Ten List

Cameron Diaz Doesn’t Obsess About Her Sweating (Obviously)

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Carol Vorderman Sweating a Hollywood Party

Across the pond, over here in America, we don’t really know why certain sweaty British people become famous. Sweating Carol Vorderman is some sort of English journalist, businesswoman and television presenter, but is really famous for co-hosting the popular British Channel 4 game show Countdown. The sweaty-pits star co-hosted Countdown starting from November 2nd, 1982, until very recently, 12 December 2008.

How did perspiration pits become a co-host of a major TV show?

Sweaty Carol Vorderman’s mother, yes, her mother, found an ad in the local paper seeking a woman with good mathematical skills (yes, very rare, we kid, we kid) to appear as co-host on a quiz show. So Momma submitted an application on behalf of her sweaty offspring.

Yes, all entertainment careers start with the mother, you didn’t know that?

So at age 21, Vorderman made her name on Countdown, with the help of mom, co-hosting with Richard Whiteley. She of course, went on to be the face of the show… And she is a sweaty cutey.

But what about those sketchy loans?

Carol Vorderman Sexy in Tight Leather and No Sweating

Dress-staining Carol Vorderman has had a very chummy relationship with a sketchy debt consolidation company called First Plus. The endorsement was brought to light in 2006, by the charity Credit Action, who tried to focus on the potential dangers of debt consolidation, calling on Vorderman to stop giving First Plus credibility by endorsing them. Well, with recent events, it’s hard to trust any financial institutions, we get really excessively sweaty just saying the world “bank.”

Carol Vorderman’s people when asked about the controversy, say that she had no intention of cancelling the relationship. The Telegraph in November 2008 asked sweaty Vorderman about the endorsement and she responded with this well prepared bit of denial:

“The secured loans market was criticised and it was pertinent to pick me out, because I was a face. I advertised FirstPlus for 10 years. We had something like £1.5billion out on loan and until a matter of months ago there were no repossessions. When that programme was made, [there were] no repossessions. Did they say that? Funnily enough, no.”

Good girl… Deny, deny, deny!

Carol Vorderman isn’t all sellout and sweat, she is also the patron of the Cleft Lip and Palate Association (CLAPA) (her bro, Anton, was born with a cleft lip and palate).

No one’s all bad? Well, honestly, we barely care, we just really like to see celebrities sweat.

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Minka Kelly Sweats the Purple

Sweating Minka Kelly is totally Hollywood, in that she was reared in Los Angeles. Sweaty Minka is an only child (why have more after reaching perfection?). She is also so Hollywood by the fact that she’s the bastard offspring of Aerosmith guitarist Rick Dufay. Minka Kelly reportedly has said that her childhood was “pretty rough,” and that she held a resentment for Rick Dufay, as he had totally pulled a “hit it and quit it” with her mother. However, at seventeen, she matured and decided to try and reconcile the whole drama by inviting him out to New Mexico.

Minka Kelly No Sweating and No Purple

This true-Hollywood story continues with our fair and excessively perspiring maiden graduating high school. Minka Kelly returned to Los Angeles with her scandalous cheap-Rock’n'Roll father to pursue acting as like a total hobby brah, but while she like went to school to become a surgical technician she fell in love the acting…After her first acting class she got “hooked” and began pursuing acting as like a total career yo. Success came slowly, and she began her career with small roles in various movies and shows, including the film “State’s Evidence,” and a recurring-guest role on the TV program “What I Like About You.”

In the following spring sweating Minka was cast as Lyla Garrity on the show “Friday Night Lights.” In preparation for the role, she trained with the Pflugerville High School cheeleading squad, oh my god. Like acting like a cheerleader must be like a total stretch for Minka! Oh my god. Minka Kelly has received praise for her acting on “Friday Night Lights,” with the New York Times calling her performance “heartbreaking”. Well her performance in Purple is totally antiperspirant-breaking. Zing. Stop us before we kill again!

She shot a cameo for “The Kingdom,” (a somewhat entertaining movie about the sweaty and stinky Middle East) alongside Jamie Foxx. Peter Berg, the creator and pilot director of Friday Night Lights, directed the film, ah, so that’s how Hollywood works… Go Minka Kelly, you so many kinds of cute we can’t even deal, but try a better brand of antiperspirant, it looks like you need it.

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Hassle-Tits Sweaty Hasselhoff Strikes Again

Have you seen the new Knight Rider on NBC Hasselhoff? If explosive diarrhea was made into a TV show, you know, the kind where you break out into a cold-sweat, it would be something like the new Knight Rider. Just when you think the show can’t get any crappier, something new happens and everything’s a sweaty, smelly crappy mess again.

Oh, and if you’re wondering sweaty David Hasselhoff, they replaced your Kitt with a Ford Mustang. Yeah, we know, they went from one lower-level American sports car to another, more obnoxious, but equally lower-level American sports car, the Ford Shelby GT 500 KR Mustang. Oh wow, yeah, the Knight Rider character has all the money and resources in the world, but he chooses to super-size a Mustang with lasers and computer shiz. A stupid Mustang.

David Hasselhoff Stays Cool and Sweat-free Here

Knight Rider No Sweat

Anyways Hasselhoff, it was a real nice cameo you had in the two-hour backdoor pilot that aired on February 17, 2008. Keep up the good work, and try to keep those man-boobs dry and sweat-free, sweat lactation isn’t a good look for you.

Oh the 80′s, if we could only return to ridiculously simple plots propelled by one dimensional characters… What a sweat-free and careless retarded world it would be…

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May-Treanor and Walsh Share a Sweaty and Golden Moment at the Beijing Olympics

Excessive Sweating Beach Brazilian Volleyball, Simply Wonderful

After hearing of said Olympic sweating orgy, a light bulb went off in our sweat-centered heads… Duh! Of course Olympians are having glorious and sweaty, aesthetically-friendly, youthful sex! It makes total sense brah. Think about it, toned, overly-worked-out, young athletes from all over the world, meeting each other and… and.. Talking politics? Playing chess? No! Having international wondrous, fantastic and extra sweaty champion sex! And SO much sex!

We know what you’re thinking, that we’re making this all up, shame on you. Celebrity Sweating would never let our readers down with fake sensationalist sweaty drivel, all of our sensationalist drivel is based on some sort of sweaty reality or other…

You see, we are indeed vindicated in this particular case, as we have backup, someone else has the same sinful and sweaty story as us with sweat-inducing delicious details… Read on dear Celebrity Sweating reader, read on.

Matthew Syed from the Times Online, has this to say about the sex, sweat and hormones petry dish that is the Olympic Village:

I am often asked if the Olympic village – the vast restaurant and housing conglomeration that hosts the world’s top athletes for the duration of the Games – is the sex-fest it is cracked up to be. My answer is always the same: too right it is. I played my first Games in Barcelona in 1992 and got laid more often in those two and a half weeks than in the rest of my life up to that point. That is to say twice, which may not sound a lot, but for a 21-year-old undergraduate with crooked teeth, it was a minor miracle.

Barcelona was, for many of us Olympic virgins, as much about sex as it was about sport. There were the gorgeous hostesses – there to assist the athletes – in their bright yellow shirts and black skirts; there were the indigenous lovelies who came to watch the competitions. And then there were the female athletes – literally thousands of them – strutting, shimmying, sashaying and jogging around the village, clad in Lycra and exposing yard upon yard of shiny, toned, rippling and unimaginably exotic flesh. Women from all the countries of the world: muscular, virile, athletic and oozing oestrogen. I spent so much time in a state of lust that I could have passed out. Indeed, for all I knew I did pass out – in a place like that how was one to tell the difference between dreamland and reality?

But Matthew Syed goes on to say it wasn’t just the dudes who were all sweaty and horny, but also the the extra fit, perspiring and toned ladies…

It was not just the guys. The women, too, seemed in thrall to their hormones, throwing around daring glances and dynamite smiles like confetti. No meal or coffee break was complete without a breathless conversation with a lithe long jumper from Cuba or an Amazonian badminton player from Sweden, the mutual longing so evident it was almost comical. It was an effort of will to keep everything in check until competition had finished. But, once we were eliminated from our respective competitions, we lunged at each other like suicidal fencers. There may have been a fair amount of gay sex going on, too – but given the notorious homophobia in sport it was rather more covert.

The article really nails all the sweaty sex details down and continues to say that it’s not just the Olympics at Barcelona that was practically an orgy, but every sweaty Olympics he’s competed in or heard about from other athletes… And what’s particularly interesting is while sweaty guys who score gold may be even more attractive to the ladies, ladies who score gold aren’t necessarily more attractive to male Olympians (this fact reflects society’s values as a whole). There are many other interesting facts in the article (the whole sex and the traveling salesman thing is explained) and we definitely recommend you read the whole thing…

Yao Ming and Lauren Jackson No Sweat Sincere Hug

To close out, pictures of two sweaty basketball Giants hugging twice, very sincerely…

Yao Ming and Sexy Lauren Jackson No Sweat Closing Ceremony Hug Hug Number Two

We don’t know why Yao Ming and Lauren Jackson hugging is so incredibly cute? It’s ridiculous… Makes us sweat.

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Something’s lost in translation here above and we think that someone’s going to get fired, as pet sweat just doesn’t sound appealing on an international level, on any level really… Andy in other international excessive sweating news, the London Underground was totally taken over by an internet-organized rave…

On June 1st, the London transport system was heavily disrupted overnight as thousands of internet randoms held a spontaneous and unauthorised “drinks party” on underground trains before an alcohol ban went into effect.

The key Circle Line which serves some of the capital’s most exclusive districts was shut down as thousands of people gathered for a booze-up on Tube trains after being rallied by social networking websites.

“There are problems on the Circle Line and it has been stopped,” a London Transport Police spokesman said.

David Mudkips, a 25-year-old computer programmer, described the experience on one of the trains packed with revellers as: “Like rush hour but fun. There were people’s sweaty armpits in my face but I didn’t care because I was drinking.”

Yeah, there are very few situations where sweaty armpits in our faces are pleasant, enjoyable events, but we guess random party sweat from stranger is better than bottled dog sweat…

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Excessive sweating never looked as mediocre. However sweaty and uninspiring this guy’s career is, he seems to score with the celebrity babes: Sandra Bullock, Ashley Judd, Salli Richardson, and Penelope Cruz. He’s currently dating super babe, Brazilian Camila Alves. For more sweaty douche bag behavior, continue reading…

Sexy dude, sexy brah. Hey man, did you make up those moves yourself? Sweaty white Rastafarian is totally in this season.

Obviously this girl is not sober. Or maybe she can’t smell all that excessive sweating?

Matthew McConaughey is the New England Clam Chowder of the acting world.  It’s rather inoffensive to the palette, but you wouldn’t want to eat it everyday, and you don’t exactly get excited about it. There’s also something vaguely disgusting about clam chowder.  We know, we’re true sweaty poets. The prosecution rests, we’ll let you decide, huge sweating douche bag or hugely untalented sweating douche bag?

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She might not be sweating in the pick below, but there’s something unnatural about those boobs…

It’s almost like those things are trying to get away from her, before she cuts again! Sweaty Tara Reid, you’re the over-exposed leftover over an over-rated movie, but you’ve had your day, by God, why do you exist? We digress…

Here are the franken boobs, no sweat, below… Enjoy in horror!

Yeah, pretty scary stuff. We break out in a heavy sweat every time we just think about those scarred silicon skin sacks.

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This amazingly excessively sweaty dude is not famous, but he kind of is, no? We find this sweaty party photo like so amazing, just for the pure perspiration fueled bravado of it… Dude knows how to party. We’ll have what he’s having, minus the sweating and that slightly Down syndrome like drugged out look he’s got. Play on sweaty player!

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Sweaty Serena Williams, one half of the Tennis Borg that is the Williams Sisters, seems to be slippling lately in her game as injuries and dissappointments seem to be mounting. Indeed, a far cry from the 2000 to 2002 years of Williams Sisters dominance. From Wikipedia:

In 2000, Serena won the doubles gold medal at the Sydney Olympics with her sister Venus.

Serena Williams finished 2001 in the top ten for the third consecutive year. She reached her first Grand Slam singles final in two years, losing to her older sister Venus at the U.S. Open 6-2, 6-4. Later that year, Serena won the WTA Tour Championships after saving eight match points in the semifinals against Jennifer Capriati.

In 2002, Serena won the French Open, Wimbledon, and the U.S. Open (where she wore her famous black catsuit) by defeating Venus in the finals of all three. She also reached the final of the WTA Tour Championships for the second time, where she lost to Kim Clijsters. She finished the year with a 56-5 record, eight singles titles, and the World No. 1 ranking. She also won the Wimbledon doubles title with Venus for the second time.

Serena Williams ruled tennis in the above time period, now she sweats celebrity events.

Yeah, she used to kick ass at tennis, fashion, not so much, sweating, yes, lots of sweating…

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It must of been one wild and crazy time in the Hamptons, oh boy. TMZ said this about the dial and abuse excessively sweaty father:

TMZ cameras were at a Billy Joel concert on Saturday, where Baldwin left the venue dripping — in what appears to be sweat. Baldwin even had to pick up a nice dry t-shirt on the way out the door, proudly showing it off to our photog.

We like the guy. Goes out by himself, doesn’t care if he’s dripping in perspiration, just parties like it doesn’t matter. To see the video of the angry sweaty father, click here…

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Tadanobu Asano finally got the role after many protests world wide…

We know that South Koreans worship a white god, but this sweaty dude, we say dude with the harshest of scorn, is no Genghis frick’n Khan. Sweaty Channing Tatum, part French, Irish, and Native American looks like the whitest of douchebags we’ve seen. We don’t care if he’s part Alien, this overly perspiring dude should be chugging bears with mediocre, slightly chubby sorrority girls from the midwest, not creating empire in Asia. He sweats like a pretrial Duke Lacrosse player, except without the innocence. Even temporarily, how could anyone cast this sweaty guy as Genghis Khan?

Word on the street is that this guy’s career is going downhill fast…

Channing Tatum before he was temporarily Genghis was suppose to be the next big deal, note photo below:

The world is a big sweaty crazy mess, but we kinda like it that way. Think of the children, what would they have to talk about?

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“Oh, that’s right, I’m really sweaty John Mayer, here I am strolling, checking out the chicks, dude, I bet she’s dumb and insecure enough to like my stuff – ah, wounded prey…”

Sweaty John Mayer you know, is like really deep, just like his ex-girlfriends, Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Love Hewitt. John Mayer is about as deep as a 2 AM bar conversation between two people on ecstacy and bad cocaine. Why do we hate? We’re really not haters, this is really the best we have to say about the guy. Really, how many bad love songs does the world need? Okay, okay, and he also excessively sweats like Bigfoot at a gun range. Check out these amazing lyrics:

Boys, you can break
You’ll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A woman’s good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

Jesus H Christ, why don’t you just cut your sweaty nads off and go back in time and sing for the church? How do you look at yourself in the mirror John Mayer? But hey, you’re rich, rock on dude.

Embarrassingly sweaty John Mayer is thinking below, “Yeah, dudes, like all 3 of us are like famous and like, we’re all wearing white shirts, isn’t it great? I should write a song about it.” We agree John, we agree, it can’t be any worse than any of your other songs.

John Mayer just can’t keep his excessive sweating or his feelings inside…

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