Sweaty Joe Jonas Magazine All Wet for the Magazines

Sweaty teen exploitation…  There are so many pics of Joe Jonas excessive sweating, we were giddy with excitement, giggling like drunk teenage girls backstage at a Jonas Brothers concert.

There’s nothing more lame than religious music made for preteen and early teen girls full of sexual innuendo, except, of course the Jonas Brothers music…  Why we gotta hate on the Jonas Brothers?  Because they’re a bunch of neanderthal hypocrites who take advantage of people’s faith to sell really, really bad music.

We won’t get into it, because South Park (Souther Park episode “The Ring“) did a much better job of making fun of the Jonas Brothers than we ever could.  All we have to say is that we can’t wait for these sweaty future douche bags to be True Hollywood Stories, because it’s all downhill from here… Where’s your god now?

Joe Jonas Sweating Like He's Got to Work a Day in His Life

Jonas Brothers with Joe Jonas Sweating Like a Teenager with Feelings

Jonas Brothers Sweating Future Douche Bags

Working up a sweat with your body guards huh? Are you sure you believe in heaven?

Joe Jonas Excessive Sweating in Pink with Body Guards

Link or Bookmark to:

Hide Sites

Rihanna GQ Sweating

Rihanna’s incredible, sweaty body isn’t free y’all! In fact, Rihanna is in a bit of a legal bind with a former trainer who’s suing the Rihanna for not paying all of her bills.  

Cindy Percival, the trainer in question, filed her lawsuit against Rihanna in the Los Angeles Superior Court last week, claiming the sweaty popstar owes $26,144.14 (she couldn’t round off the change?  You’re in trouble Rihanna!) in missing wages from last year, 2009.

On paper, the trainer says that she hired to perform ”exclusive personal training services” for Rihanna at $1,500 per day.  We’d like to perform exclusive services for Rihanna!

Cindy Percival says that she didn’t get a check for a couple of weeks of work between September and October of last year and is also asking for $2,644.14 in travel costs.  We’d pay Rihanna to bend, strut, stretch and sweat for us.  And in the end, we’d be the ones with excessive perspiration!  How do you get these jobs?  Life just isn’t fair.

Rihanna, Sexy and Fun Beach Sweat

No stretch marks on Rihanna’s expensive body.  More Rihanna excessive sweating below:

Rihanna Sweating Herself So Hard

Link or Bookmark to:

Hide Sites

Lily Allen Excessive Sweating Enough for Two Drug Addicts

We enjoy the existence of these excessive sweating celebrities, especially when they’re extra-complex sweaty celebrities…  Such as sloppy and sweaty Lily Allen.

Lily Allen looks like she’s hungry, just woke up from the bottom of the oceean and about to destroy a Japanese city in the photo to the left.  Our only hope is Mothra, or her passing out.  Would someone please think of the children!?

Okay, enough random references to Godzilla, Lily, really, you need to work  a little on the public appearance darling.  Just a little, because in reality, this politically aware British popstar has a lot to offer, besides controversy, sweating, substance abuse, a third nipple and girly songs…

Lily Allen, Cute on Stage with No Sweating

Lily Allen is active in politics and supports many progressive causes.  The sweaty singer even records in the only solar-powered recording studio in Great Britian.  She’s also written to members of parliament in the UK to back an amendment to the energy bill.

And, also, Lily Allen cleans up real well, as evidenced by the photo on the right.  It’s really like two different people, isn’t it?  Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

However, honestly, we’d love to get into some trouble with her anytime…  Give them something to talk about Miss Allen.

Link or Bookmark to:

Hide Sites

If Only Sweaty Armpits Could Sing and Play Guitar

This guy might as well be from Orange County, cause he sucks like the suburbs suck, like Gavin Rossdale from Bush sucked, like all that has ever sucked in the past… Oh, this guy, and McFly sucks like a huge vapid black hole of sucking, a whole gigantic vortex of nothingness sucking, but somehow sweating while sucking.

This guy has obviously more talent in his sweaty armpits then in his head and hands. Yeah brah, rock on in that pink shirt dude, you’re so awesome the way you sing those love songs, dude, yeah, keep riding that wave of mediocrity. Go back to the suburbs like the leftover sprawl of mediocrity that you are.

Danny Jones Sweaty Hair is So Rocking

Sweaty dude who’s sweating still sucks (and he’s making our thinking suck). Seriously, who listens to this crap? Of all the great music being made today and yesterday, why does Pop Punk or this kind of Pop Rock even exist? This crap makes use sweat from frustration like nothing else, we’d love to kill this genre with fire.

Link or Bookmark to:

Hide Sites

Proving that it’s really hard to fade away softly or with any level of grace, extra-sweaty Madonna just loves the PR, any and all PR. Madonna’s people or minions have been sweating, while working overtime spreading rumors of an affair or extra-special friendship with Alex Rodriguez, otherwise known as A-Rod. Yes, Madonna only has relationships with dudes with macho names or nicknames (Guy Ritchie, Sean Penn, A-Rod), we do not know why this is, if you have theories, let us know.

Anyways, back the A-Rod and sweaty Madonna, this thing is retarded. It makes no sense. This is how the celebrity world works, it’s all cloak and daggers to get into the tabloids, because fake sweaty celebrity news is good sweaty celebrity news, and in the end, everyone makes money…

Link or Bookmark to:

Hide Sites

“Did I put antiperspirant on?”

“Do I suck so much that I’m beginning to stink like some kind of bad culture black hole?”

We think these are the kinds of questions Madonna is asking with the following promotional pic from her army of Photoshop whores.

Somebody’s going to get fired. What the hell is Madonna suppose to be doing in the above image? We know she doesn’t smell good, but does she have to advertise her overly sweaty armpits to the world?

You know you’re old when you have no bloody idea what the hell is cool anymore and you have to hire people to put “cool” on you like it’s some kind of alien idea. All the money in the world isn’t going to make Madonna relevant or hip once again, because the sweat-prone former Popstar can only rent cool, she can only date hipness, because to her, real culture is a cheap whore that she visits every time she has a new album out. But honey, it isn’t. Real culture is knowing who you really are and how it relates to the outside world. Cool is figuring out something awesome for yourself, in relation to you and what you believe in and sharing it with the world. Justin Timberlake isn’t cool, he’s not even close. Oh sweating, failing Madonna, why must you continue to torment the world?

If you had any idea of what’s good in music, you would of teamed up with Daft Punk, Boyz Noize, or Kanye West… But you continue to suck in your old woman sweaty way…

Link or Bookmark to:

Hide Sites

What the hell is that on her armpit? If Britney Spears other Celebrity Sweating appearances are indicative, then this is just another excessive sweating Britney moment. You think the paparazzi leeches would pass her some antiperspirant every once in a while, but they just suck the filth that comes to the top…

Good news for the sweating, clothes-challenged former Popstar however, as the Los Angeles prosecutors are refusing to file charges for the Britney Spears incident where she ran over some over zealous paparazzi’s foot.

After reviewing police records and a videotape of the incident last year, Deputy District Attorney Joseph D. Shidler wrote Friday that the “only way the victim’s foot could have been where the video indicates it to be was by the victim placing it in that location.“ The photographer, who was not identified in the report, filed a criminal complaint against Spears in early May, nearly six months after the alleged incident. The report describes Spears’ as “driving at an extremely slow rate of speed and in a straight path.“ Spears told police she didn’t remember the incident, and prosecutors believed her. “There was much commotion and noise at the time and there is no proof that the suspect was aware of what happened,“ she said.

We don’t think perspiring Britney is essentially a bad person, trashy and really stupid yes, evil, no…

Link or Bookmark to:

Hide Sites

What is with musicians and popstars today? Every time they need to prove themselves they work “together” with other talent, in this case, douche bag Justin Timberlake, so that they can come out with the best album ever! (Sarcasm) It didn’t work for Michael Jackson, and it hasn’t worked for anyone since…

Check out the video for “4 Minutes.”

Click here to view the embedded video.

What the hell is this song about? What’s with Justin’s fake Michael Jackson vocals? Toss us the extra strength antiperspirant because we’re drenched with a kind of angry excessive sweating frustration. Sweaty Madonna, just fade away, quickly… Like the Clintons, you used to be so cool, now you’re just a miserable failure tainting your former glory… And the sucking doesn’t end with music, sweaty Madonna has to prove she sucks in all art forms…

Remember “Filth and Wisdom?” Yeah, Madonna, get back in the limousine, and drive far away where you can’t prove how much more you suck with any further embarrassments.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Sorry about that, yeah, we know, it’s like Madonna sweat all the cool out of herself and can’t figure out what’s interesting anymore.

For more sweaty Madonna posts:

Why is Madonna Sweating
Excessive Madonna, Sweats Excessively in Her Old Age

Link or Bookmark to:

Hide Sites

Why are the UK versions of talentless popstars so charming and likable? And it’s not just the accent… Even if they’re all sweaty, they seem like a class apart from the likes of Britney Spears, Hillary Duff and Avril Lavigne. Is it that famous British wit?

It might have something to do with the sweat-inducing video below:

Yeah, we’re still touching ourselves and excessively sweaty all over the place… Could you imagine any of our sweaty pop bimbos pulling the above media stunt off as well? We
kind of doubt it…

Link or Bookmark to:

Hide Sites