Mark Zuckerberg: Billion-Dollar Excessive Sweating in a Cold Room

You make stupid logos that make it seem like you and your over-hyped, ivy league wet-dream of a company want to take over the world in the nerdiest way possible.  Grow up and look around, you’re nobody without Facebook, and Facebook is just an idea you most likely stole from someone else.  All you did was made Friendster and MySpace better.  Do you really honestly think you’re the end of this social network evolution?  Wake-up and cash your chips you sweaty nerd-sociopath.

The Cult of Facebook: Sweaty Evil

Oh my god, it’s freezing in here and you’re profusely sweating like you’ve just lost a billion dollars… You just did, because Facebook isn’t really worth 15 billion, only morons would think that, and now that you’ve blown this interview, you’ve really lost value for Facebook.

Here’s a reaction from an attendee from the tech conference that Mark Zuckerberg was being interviewed at:

5:08 pm: My God, Zuckerberg is literally dissolving in a lake of his own sweat. He is visibly flushed, and you can see the beads of sweat rolling down his face. Could this be his Nixon moment?

Mark Zuckerberg Profusely Sweating Through His Pivacy Settings

So what actually went down?  Mark got interviewed, starts sweating his nerd nuts off and the interviewer Kara notes this and suggests the awkward Mark Zuckerberg to take off the lame hoodie he’s wearing, asking:

“You all right? We’re not even yelling at you…yet.”

Mark Zuckerberg refuses to take off the ugly hoodie. I never take it off, he says. Then he wipes the excessive sweat from his brow, looks at the resulting sweat stain on his arm, and then says “whoa,” relents and takes it off.

So in the interview with the Wall Street Journal’s Kara Swisher and Walt Mossberg, Mark Zuckerberg insisted on keeping his lame dark grey hoodie until his strange profuse sweating, (the room was chilly cold) forced the Facebook CEO to take it off.   Creepy eyes (Mark Zuckerberg) then joked about Walt Mossberg’s privacy questions by threatening awkwardly that he does better in internal Facebook meetings because, “I get to wear my hoodie there.”  That’s a like a lame douche bag saying on a date:

“I do better when I’m home masturbating.”

We smell sweaty douche bag, in like the biggest way.  It’s so obvious that Facebook changes it’s privacy settings so much so that all of our information can be stolen and sold, otherwise why are these settings automatically set to less private instead of more private?  And why does he talk like a robot and move his head around as if he’s some sort of animatronic doll?  Creepy dude is creepy.

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Marc Anthony Stud Sweating

Is that sweaty armpit global warming or is Marc Anthony a lazy slob?  No, but seriously, Marc Anthony is a phenomenon in the Salsa music world and has his own wealth…

He just looks like a fame-feeder.  But he’s got his own sweaty thang going on.  Excessive sweating Marc Anthony is the Guinness Book of World Records top selling tropical salsa artist of all time and he’s also one five Grammys, which just means he’s sold a lot of records.

Marc Anthony is no stranger to really wet, sweat-drenched armpits…  We would dare to say that he’s rather familiar with the that wet, tropical feeling under his arms…

Why is This Latino Man Sweating Excessively?

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Perfect Barbie Marrissa Miller Sweats Victoria's Pits

There’s so much pressure on those armpits from the center, of course they’re bursting with extra sweating!

Marisa Miller Excessive Sweating at the Beach

Can you believe that you’re looking at a thirty year old sweaty woman? Yeah, life isn’t fair. Life is harsh and unremitting in it’s brutality and then you get old and wish there was more life left… But there are wondrous things such as Marissa Miller who’s appeared on every issue of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issues for the last six years. Perspiration pits Barbie has also recently topped Maxim’s list of world’s sexiest women, beating Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel and other celebrity babes…

Sweaty Marisa Miller is joining Victoria’s Secret’s all-star team as its latest fully accessorized and talented beauty. Fellow team members include sweat inducing Alessandra Ambrosio, Adriana Lima, and Karolina Kurkova among many other too hot for porn sweaty beauties…

This perfume thing is perspiration pits Marisa Miller’s first adventure with Victoria’s Secret as Very Sexy Dare will be on sale at Victoria’s Secret flagship store in New York in September of this year… We wonder if it smells like Barbie plastic and sweat? We kind of hope that it smell like Marissa Miller sweating after a long bikini jog on the beach… Bloggers can dream, right?

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What say you? You don’t remember who this sweaty old dude is? Well, he’s was that one-time hope for the Republican Party to breathe some, um, life, into the 2007 Republican presidential primary season. His entrance into the race amounted to the equivalent of someone dropping a turd into a punchbowl at prom. It caused a splash at first, but it’s still a turd, and an old, sweaty turd it is, but it still floats!

What can we say about excessive sweating Fred Thompson? Well, he helped take down Nixon for starters, so he’s not all bad… However, he has also helped transition the United States of America into the United Corporations against everyone else, as we are now pretty much a nation ruled by those who are in turn, ruled by huge multi-national conglomerates. We are not paranoid, we are informed, and also a really sweaty and nervous about the future.

Thank you Fred Thompson and all of the Democrats and Republicans for selling us all out for the last 30 years, and we welcome our new corporate overlords.

(Oh, and by the way, we sort of changed our minds about Obama, FISA has totally killed our hope for the future, we’re buying land in some remote, hot and sweaty 3rd world country)

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All the money and $400 haircuts in the world won’t stop you from busting through your antiperspirant with dark sweaty armpit stains… The dude looks good, the guys at the office totally have a bro-mance with sweaty John Edwards.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Spiny Skeletor Bitch Ann Coulter can call us faggots anytime, no sweat. Actually, if were were famous enough for Ann Coulter to call us fags or faggots, we probably wouldn’t be blogging but would most likely be on a beach asking for another faggy tropical drink, on our way to a very sweaty massaged happy-ending and sending John Edwards money for 2012.

John Edwards is our favorite limousine liberal, godspeed to the White House, and possibly the vice presidency? Don’t forget the antiperspirant on the way Mr. Edwards…

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“I still sweat bullets if I go on The Tonight Show, but I tell myself, You can either have fun tonight or you can be shy and miserable. You ask my friends or anyone I work with now – nobody would say I was shy.”

Ah, but who cares about “sweating bullets” when you create a whole new set of problems by augmenting your starved face (and possibly Lara Flynn Boyle’s body) with some plastic surgery in Texas.

The once-in-a-time major babe, Lara Flynn Boyle suffers from skinny-girl disease, where you lose your face by starving yourself… She really wasn’t looking so aged, but now she looks like one of those post-op freak shows.

Poor Lara Flynn Boyle, you were so hot in Twin Peaks and The Practice, you really made us sweat, but now you’re just sweaty Jack Nicholson’s ex-girlfriend who’s had some major and awful plastic surgery afterwards.

And dollface, Kanye’s not going to write a song to this trajedy.

Enjoy some of Lara Flynn Boyle’s sexy past:

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Panic at the Disco’s perspiration filled press conference was to announce that they, oh my god Becky, are headlining the Honda Civic Tour. Could you imagine David Bowie headlining the Ford Pinto Tour in the late 70′s? I mean what kind of sweaty douchebags sign on for the Honda Civic Tour? The kind that know that they suck and want to cash out as quickly as possible. There’s like a ton of different ways to make money in the music game, if a sponsor isn’t right for your image, well, there are other sponsors… These guys might as well whore themselves on Sunset Boulevard because you can’t really sellout any less transparently. Oh yeah, did we say that they’re sweaty douchebags?

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Sweaty Trash Stinks, Even If You Put a Hat on It

She could be losing her little baby somethings to Mr. Federline after her baby’s nannies tell all at the custody trial. You think she’s excessively sweaty now? She’s going to be the busted Hoover dam of stress sweat in front the custody judge y’all. Yee Haw! Britney’s nannies already spilled the white trash beans for Us Weekly and Life & Style so talk’n to the Judge on Mr. Federline’s behalf won’t be too much of a stretch.

And if you haven’t heard, excessively perspiring Britney is Ok. Okay meaning that she’s trying a little bit from the baked good section as well.

Stretch Marks, Excessive Sweating and Popstardom Doesn't Mix

We love sweaty, sloppy Britney, George W. Bush’s number one fan. “We should do what the president says y’all” which translates into “we should do what the weird Catholic Priest says no matter how he looks at us.” Sorry, we had to go there, it’s not politics, it’s reality, and it ain’t pretty, it’s sweaty washed up Britney Spears, and we like to kick her when she’s rich and failing at life.

So we’re glad you’re down, you can take your stretch marks and excessive sweating into obscurity…

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Don’t sweat it Marc, you’ll more than likely get divorced in a few years or probably less, as J Lo’s relationship and marriage shelf life is shorter than McDonald’s fries’ expiration dates. Did you sign that prenuptial Marc? Oh good, you excessively perspired all over the prenuptial paperwork, blurring the ink? Good work, Scarface would be proud. Marc, of course, didn’t actually sweat through his prenuptials, we just imaging that’s what he definitely could and shouldof done…

Looks like a sweaty, classy dance movie romp, huh? Yeah, J Lo’s not so good with the movies or the restaurant business. Do not, ever, like we mean never, go to her Pasadena restaurant, Madres, no matter what kind of ex-husband drama is associate with that celebrity cheese palace. We’ve all been there, Madres has as much class as a gold-plated taco truck, or roach coach if you will… And dinner will cost you more than an iPod. So download J Lo’s music, if you like that sort of thing, stay away from her movies, her restaurant and her sweaty husband.

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Yeah, so sweaty Homer’s no Conan O’Brien, but we’d say he’s much funnier than the world’s largest chin, Jay Leno, even with bad material. Homer bombs with his opening act, sweats as his arms go numb and then gets escorted out by cartoon Jay Leno security. Jay Leno closes the opening as he asks himself “Why am I sweat’n like this?” Seems to be a current Simpson’s theme as Lisa, in the last part of The Simpsons Movie gets sweaty palms when holding hands with her new Irish crush (sounds like a great soft drink, no? Clean and refreshing, unless you’re a Protestant). If you haven’t seen the movie, go see it, it’s funnier than a vagina clown car.

The above really doesn’t have much to do with anything, it has a little to do with sweating, as giving birth is a sport in this woman’s case, however, we just thought our readers would appreciate no sweat funny tangents every now and then. You’re very welcome.

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