Sarah Jessica Parker and Her Excessive Sweating Armpit

Those of us at Celebrity Sweating that have a penis, think sweaty Sarah Jessica Parker sucks and that Sex and the City (the TV show and especially the movies) sucks on level that makes everything else that sucks suck less.  That’s a lot of sweaty sucking.

If there was a term for the philosophy of Sex and the City, it could be labeled as anorexic feminism.  That is, feminism so vapid, commercial and lacking in constructive ideas, that it starves the life out of what being a modern woman is about, that is, it is destructive and basically poisonous to the collective psychology of women.

We didn’t even take Women Studies 101 in college and we can see this plain as day.  Sarah Jessica Parker knows that what she produces is horrible, you can just tell with all of her excessive sweating.

In the Sex and the City world, women are culturally insensitive shallow hogs that are concerned with the most base, and mindless desires while hoarding expensive designer clothes, shoes and accessories without ever understanding the culture and art that goes into those things.  Women who where the brand for the brand.  We could go on and on.  It’s retarded, seriously. Like the picture below.

Why the Sweaty Long Face? (Still Not Sexy)

Retarded like this quote from sweaty Sarah Jessica Parker about her new fragrance coming out soon:

“I’m working on a new genderless fragrance that’s not out yet,” says Parker. “I can’t even tell you what it’s called. It has taken me three years to decide on the scent because I really like B.O. and I think it’s sexy. I wanted to figure out a way to make it palatable to everybody. I was like, ‘How do you get B.O. in a bottle and make an atomiser of it?’”

Retarded.

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William H Macy Sweating his Man Boobs

Sweaty William H. Macy is an artist, proof below:

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Last year in January, William H. Macy replaced sweaty Jeremy Piven in David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow on Broadway.  As to current projects, you can look for him in House of Re-Animator (2010), The President of the United States (2010), and A Single Shot (2011).

Indeed, a great character actor.  Don’t yeah know?

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License to Sweat: Pierce Brosnan Excessively Sweats Obscurity

If the current angry, muscular brute of a James Bond, played Daniel Craig, isn’t a reaction to Pierce Brosnan’s James Bond, then we’re some kind of perverted celebrity body fluid bloggers. Okay, bad analogy.

Sweaty Pierce Brosnan might have been the best looking James Bond, but he just wasn’t believable as the charming international thug, who villains can’t kill before discussing their plans for world domination.

His fight scenes were too slow, too dainty, too clean.  He just didn’t seem like he was breaking any kind of sweat on screen, but he seems to sweat a lot off screen.

Famke Janssen as Xenia, steals the movie from sweaty pits Bronson, in Goldeneye as you’ll see below in our favorite scene from the movie:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Sweaty Pierce Brosnan, you weren’t bad as Bond, just not believable, but you were entertaining.

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Excessive Sweating George Clooney with Sweaty Mustache

Oh sweaty George Clooney, your social activism is actually charming, instead of annoying (take note Bono, you tax-dodging hypocrite), because it seems like you really believe in what you’re saying, and that totally goes far man.  

George Clooney Sweating Some Basketball

Perspiring George Clooney lives with pigs. A 280-pound Vietnamese black-bristled pot-bellied pig, named Max slept luxuriously in George Clooney’s house for eighteen years until the pig’s death on December 1, 2006.  Yeah, we know, random, but just another reason to love George Clooney.
More George Clooney related excessive sweating below:

George Clooney Sweat-Flavored Tofu?

Excessive Sweating Armpits for Clooney Girlfriend, Lisa Snowdon

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Amy Winehouse No Sweat but Alien Armpits

What is that thing?  Is it sentient?

Is it a drug stash?  Amy Winehouse who’s infamous for her off-stage pursuits, and famous for her on stage sweaty performances, is just great celebrity fodder.  Check out this clip of her pulling something from her hair and snorting that “something.”

Click here to view the embedded video.

Keep on reading for some uncivil Blake Fielder-Civil excessively sweaty making out…

Amy Winehouse Turned On by Sweaty Armpits

Blake Fielder-Civil sweaty armpits aren’t so civil…

Hey brah,  just making out with my popped collar pink shirt, so cool  with that sweat stain yo.

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Sweaty Jude Law as Hamlet at the Boradhurst Theatre, NYC

Back in December of 2009, a wee actor named Jude Law was doing Hamlet on Broadway, while his movie Sherlock Holmes was to debut a month or so later and he was set to have another child. Both were not huge successes, but successes nonetheless and Jude just met latter mentioned child recently… Dude is busy.

Minimal Hamlet, no distractions, just acting and ego!

Excessively Sweaty Jude Law Measures His Ego

The critics were favorable of Jude Law’s sweaty, sparse Hamlet and we have to admit, it was rather tense and entertaining, and for Sherlock Holmes? Well, we just wished Sherlock was a bit smarter.

More Jude Law excessive sweating below:

Excessive Sweating Criminal: Jude Law

Looking a Little “Closer” at Sweaty Jude Law.

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Mariah Carey Sweating Her Slow Fade Into Obscurity

Where have all the Cinderella’s gone?  Cinderella’s story ended early (you never got to find out what happened after the Prince marries Cinderella), and if they made sequels, the story would probably end up like mimicking Mariah Carey’s life.  For realz dawg.  Sweat life.  Sweat life.

What really is sweaty Mariah Carey’s appeal?  Sure, great voice, and used to be a serious hottie who made men sweat everywhere, but that was like a decade ago.

Now Mariah Carey is a recently married sweaty cougar who also happens to be the 6th richest woman in entertainment.

Classy Mariah Carey, No Sweat Out in the Wild

Here’s a Mariah Carey video, circa 2008.  It says everything that needs to be said about how somebody comes from being an inspirational story, bring oneself up from basically nothing, to a tasteless, vapid, sweaty has-been…

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Can you say lame?  Really?  Are nerdy white guys really dreaming about Mariah Carey (she was 38 when this video was shot)?  Really?

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Excessive Sweating Hilary Swank, On a Casting for the Next Terminator?

“Fierce” isn’t quite the the right word, attractively menacing?  Is she looking for John Conner?

Sweaty Hilary Swank has made some bad movies (The Next Karate Kid, Emelia Earhart, etc.) and some amazing ones (Boys Don’t Cry, Million Dollar Baby, etc.)…  And she’s still going strong, as the methodic actor, sweaty Hilary Swank, is set to make a new version of Intimate Strangers.  The  ”actor, not a celebrity” (quote by Hilary Swank), is also currently set up to play the lead role and producer for a film based on John Marks novel Fangland, reportedly going to be directed by John Carpenter.  Sounds like a scary sweat-fest!

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J-Lo and Sweaty Marc Anthony Who's Big in South America

Sweaty Marc Anthony’s armpits are a crime against humanity.  Anyone have the International Criminal Court at The Hague’s phone number?  We think Marc Anthony has been waterboarding Jennifor Lopez’s ex-boyfriends with his armpits…  Serious.

Marc Anthony, antiperspirant much?  Ever?

Someone call Sean Hannity, we’d love to waterboard him for charity using Marc Anthony’s excessive sweating armpits, it’ll be a  huge reality TV hit!  At least in Japan.  Well, at least torture lackey John Yoo would love it!

Well, anyways, Marc Anthony just loves the “I just survived the Amazon in my cheap shirt or suit” look.  What are you gonna do?  Crime against humanity?  Maybe.  Crime against Jennifer Lopez?  Yes.  Definitely.

More excessive sweating Latino Steve Buscemi below:

Marc Anthony is Way Too Legit to Sweat!

Why is This Latino Man Sweating Excessively?

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Tom Cruise Excessively Sweats as if His Beard is in His Amrpits

Sweating Tom Cruise is proof that there are honest, down-to-Earth people who follow the true values of what America is, still working in Hollywood.

We all died a little just right there…  Extreme sarcasm, don’t try it at home folks!

How does perspiration stained Tom Cruise act so real day in and day out?  It’s just one of those phenomena like Korean Christians or people who thought the plot for Avatar was amazing.

Forbes magazine back in June of 2006 published ‘The Celebrity 100,” listing the most powerful celebrities.  Sweaty Tom Cruise was first in star power of course…  But then like some VH1 fallen celebrity documentary, sweaty armpits Tom Cruise’s crazy dam broke.

August 2006, “a USA Today/Gallup poll in which half of those surveyed registered an “unfavorable” opinion of the actor” and his “unacceptable behavior”  both became reasons for totally authentic Tom Cruise to be dropped from Paramount’s production contract with totally heterosexual Tom Cruise.

Marketing Evaluations, yeah, we’ve never heard of them either, reported that Cruise’s Q score (a measure of popularity for famous people), had fallen 40 percent.  Additionally, too-little-antiperspirant Tom Cruise is the celebrity people would least like as their best friend (duh).

More sweaty Tom Cruise craziness below (totally needs a suppressive person to handle him):

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Why is this Broad Famous? Kate Hudson Sweating Like She Worked Hard to Get to Where She Is...

Sweaty Kate Hudson, why do you still exist in media?  We have no idea.  Everything about you is like so blah!

You even agree with us that you’re about as exciting as mauve wallpaper.  Sweaty Kate Hudson’s own words about seeing herself on screen:

“gets cold… shakes and… sweats”

That people still give you roles is amazing, we’ve seen all your movies and have no memory of any of your performances, because you basically suck and have no talent whatsoever.  You have lots of talent for excessive sweating in public however…

Even your boyfriends and husbands suck.  Ex-husband Chris Robinson of The Black Crowes and more recently, Alex Rodriguez?  Really?  It’d be hard to find larger douche bags than these two.

Why the hot sweaty hate?  Well, for one, there are loads of talented actresses in Hollywood that you’re taking roles from because of your connections, and you can’t to save your life or your movies…

Please fade away out of our entertainment landscape you perspiration disaster!

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Rihanna Sweating Through All of Her Silkiness

Get some antiperspirant for that excessive sweating yo, you’re gonna sweat stain that silk!

A little Rihanna face sweating never hurt anyone.  You’re all kinds of sweaty hot miss thing.

Rihanna Performance Face Sweating

Sweaty face Rihanna, we want to like you, especially after that whole Chris Brown domestic violence thing, but after seeing the video below, it’s hard not to hate on you.  For realz dawg.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Whoring up a sweat by gyrating on tanks in middle eastern surroundings just isn’t cool.  We know, you’re trying to be all Lady Gaga, with your outfits and themes, but you’re straight up stupid in this video and the song sucks too.

Stick to this sort of thing Rihanna:

Click here to view the embedded video.

That’s what made you hot, take not hot sweaty thing.

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Tiger Woods Classy Perspiration

Tiger Woods Man in the Mirror Sweating

Sweaty Tiger Woods, you come out of hiding to make a wimpy little statement about your infidelities, and then come out of hiding again and you go and say you’ve quit golf indefinitely…  Got nuts?  Really?

You chase literally everything that sweats in your path, standards be damned, and now you’re going away to your Swedish island that you’ve just bought with the Mrs. Woods, to hide again?  Got nuts?

Where’s the red shirt now Tiger Woods?  Sweating much these days?

Well, how about where’s your wife’s wedding ring?

Elin Nordegren No Tiger Woods Ring...

It’s not on your wife, Elin Nordegren’s finger…  And thank god.  She deserves better than a sweaty, trashy traveling saleman husband.  Amen.

Here’s an update on the mistress count:

1. Rachel Uchitel. Oh Rachel, thank you for breaking the sweaty dam that drowned Tiger Woods in his own filth.  The VIP club hostess was the first (oh to be the first!) of the women to be intimately linked to Tiger Woods (and probably paid off) after the National Enquirer reported that she traveled to Australia to be with Tiger Woods during a golf tournament there.

2. Jamie Grubbs, who is just your average I want to be famous kind of Hollywood girl, and even more so now.

3. Kalika Moquin is some sort of marketing executive for the Bank nightclub, we wonder if she makes bank? This affair came to light in Life & Style magazine, Kalika Moquin replied of course with an inspiring no comment (probably because she’s made bank).

4. Cori Rist was named as another mistress, go Tiger!  Go after those difficult catches!  Shoot for the stars!   She has answered, again, inspiringly, with a no comment to allegations of the affair. She is 31 years old. An awesome former fiance of hers told the media about Cori’s time lost in the Woods, the sweaty, vapid Tiger Woods.

5. Jamie Jungers is an out this world and incredible Las Vegas drink waitress (sarcasm) and is said to have been involved with Tiger Woods for approximately 18 months. Thems a lot of drinks!

6.) Mindy Lawton is a 33 year old waitress who told her story to the U.K. publication, News of the World. Many have come out publicly to state that they do not believe Mindy Lawton’s Tiger Woods me too! story.

7. Holly Sampson gave a detailed account of her relationship with Tiger Woods in a video that was filmed on May 26, 2009.

8. Julie Postle, who’s pictured on the right, below, was ratted out by someone who used to date her (Brian Kimbrough).  Julie Postle worked as a cocktail waitress in Orlando when she started to get a some Tiger Woods in 2004.  She currently lives in Texas.

Julie Postle: Just Another Victim of Sweaty Tiger Woods

9. Theresa Rogers, who’s what the kids call a “cougar” these days, is a florida woman in her 40′s who reportedly started seeing equal opportunity Tiger Woods before and after his marriage.

10. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 10.

11. Joslyn James, she has neither confirmed nor denied the rumors.

12. Loredana Jolie, who’s a Playboy model and an escort.

13. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 13.

14. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 14.

And you know there’s like hundreds more…  All of them working up a sweat over giving up there dignity and privacy for the tabloid money.

Check out our original post from last week:

Why is This Man Sweating? The Tiger is Out of The Woods!

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Tiger Woods Sweaty Armpits Triumphs in a Hole in Many!

Just think about it, a man who has no real social passions?  What kind of man believes in nothing?  Who doesn’t care about any world issues?  Doesn’t speak out about anything?  What kind of man believes only in sponsorships and winning at a pointless, boring game?   Well, with all of the above, you get a dead on the inside, minority on the outside, bland corporate warrior, Mister sweaty Tiger Woods…

Excessive sweating on the course, excessively sweaty after and off the course!  To say that sweaty armpits Tiger Woods sleeps with anything that moves is an understatement.  List of Tiger Woods girls to follow…

Tiger Woods Shame Sweating!

1. Rachel Uchitel. The VIP club hostess was the first (oh to be the first!) of the women to be linked to Tiger Woods after the National Enquirer reported that she traveled to Australia to be with Woods during a golf tournament there. So far, she has, oh my god, denied the affair.

2. Jamie Grubbs, who is just your average I want to be famous kind of Hollywood girl.

3. Kalika Moquin is some sort of maketing executive for the Bank nightclub, we wonder if she makes bank? This affair came to light in Life & Style magazine, Kalika Moquin replied with an inspiring no comment.

4. Cori Rist was named as another mistress. She has answered, again, inspiringly, with a no comment to allegations of the affair. She is 31 years old.  An awesome former fiance of hers told the media about Cori’s time lost in the Woods, the sweaty, vapid Tiger Woods.

5. Jamie Jungers is an out this world and incredible Las Vegas drink waitress (sarcasm) and is said to have been involved with Tiger Woods for approximately 18 months.  Thems a lot of drinks!

6.) Mindy Lawton is a 33 year old waitress who told her story to the U.K. publication, News of the World. Many have come out publicly to state that they do not believe Mindy Lawton’s Tiger Woods exchange of fluids story.

7. Holly Sampson gave a detailed account of her relationship with Tiger Woods in a video that was

Maybe Future Playboy Model, Mistress and Fame Whore Rachel Uchitel

filmed on May 26, 2009.

8. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 8.

9. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 9

10. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 10.

11. Joslyn James, she has neither confirmed nor denied the rumors.

12. Loredana Jolie, who’s a Playboy model and an escort (does that count as mistress?).  It’s a complicated world these days!

13.  Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 13.

14.  Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 14.

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Tony Blair Excessive Sweating

Excessive sweating Anthony Charles Lynton Blair is an awfully long name for a sweaty douche bag, and a quitter.   Sweaty Tony Blair is famous for a lot of things, but in the last decade, mostly for being frat brothers with logically disabled George W. Bush.

Excessively sweaty and slimey Tony Blair was step for step with helping the propaganda gain momentum leading up to the second Iraq war, and instrumental in helping convince people all around the world fearful of another 9/11 that the upcoming war will be good for the people of Iraq.  A million dead is definitely a good thing?

Sweaty Tony Blair, when he quit as Prime Minister, he was ironically appointed the official Envoy of the Quartet on the Middle East on behalf of the United Nations, the European Union, the United States, and Russia. Quartet on the Middle East, which also means, the ‘how do smooth over stealing oil form arabs organization…’  The truth, it’s beautiful, sweaty and ugly at the same time.

Tony Blair, A Bit of Hairy Back Sweating

The extra sweaty “War on Terror” or the war on an abstract concept, began in 2001, and Tony Blair loved to cheer lead and make everyone afraid…

The British invade Afghanistan in 2001 and Iraq in 2003 and as a result, Mr. Blair faced harsh criticism over his policies and cheerleading of George W. Bush.  There was especially harsh criticism over the controversial circumstances in which going to war was decided, remember the claims that Iraq was developing weapons of mass destruction?

Nobel prizewinning playwright Harold Pinter and former Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohammad, have accused Blair of war crimes.   Tony Blair was of course honored by the Republican houses for unwavering support of the United States government’s foreign policy, and was given the Congressional Gold Medal (which might as well have been soaked in blood and black oil) on 18 July 2003.

So much to sweat for Mr. Blair…  We know, killing people for oil is a really sweaty job.

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Professional Partier Paris Hilton Excessive Sweating

Controversially, our time’s Marilyn Monroe of sorts, sweaty Paris Hilton has recently been eclipsed by new Hollywood scene bimbos (and we say bimbo with affection). For example, Disney’s little teen star, Miley Cyrus, recently did a dance routine based around strippers.  Paris Hilton might act stupid, but she doesn’t celebrate stupid.  Yes, there’s a difference.

To the right, you can see sweaty Paris Hilton, in her natural environment, looking bored and full of excessive perspiration.

So much sweating, so little care…

After sweaty Paris Hilton, sex tapes just don’t mean what they used to.  They’re almost a launching point to one’s career (notice sweaty Kim Kardashian).

We do hate on sweaty Paris Hilton for one thing, helping start the trend of annoyingly needy girls with small dogs.  If you live in Los Angeles,  you know our pain.

Future Paris Hilton No Sweating

More Paris Hilton sweating and antiperspirant gaffes:

Excessive Celebrity Sweating Top Ten List

Paris Hilton’s Excess Jail Sweat to Be Autioned on Ebay

Snort Paris Hilton’s Sweat-Proof Armpits

Paris Hilton Really Likes Flaky White Stuff

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Hugh Jackman Sweating Grunting Man Sweating

Oh sweaty, grunting macho man Hugh Jackman, you are almost too heterosexual…  You almost have to wonder.

However, you were indeed a great sweaty, lunging Wolverine, even though the script and the plot was a little convoluted and predictable and while entertaining, the movie didn’t go beyond the usual sweaty action movie fare.

Hey buddy, I know you’re trying to be extra-heterosexual, but get some antiperspirant for that excessively sweaty armpit, you rugged individualist  you!  You sweaty australian import you!

The sweating manimal looks good on a cover, no? How do you say in your country?  How many beards can a man have?  Only sweaty Hugh Jackman really knows how man beards a man can have.

Hugh Jackman Tough Guy Cover Sweating

Perspiration armpits, Hugh Jackman, is of course, married to Deborra-Lee Furness. The celebrity couple met on Correlli, which is Australian television series.

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Oh my god!  Oh my god! (Scream!) The Twilight Saga:  New Moon star is excessive sweating!  Oh my god!  We love it and can’t wait to see the new Twilight movie.

The sweaty, hormone controlled, inner-teenage girl in us, loved the first move.

Lristen Stewart Excessive Perspiration with Angst

I am excessively sweaty Kristen Stewart, destroyer of worlds!  Can you feel the pent-up sweaty teenage angst?  Can you smell it?  Oh, go out and find me a strong man who isn’t interested in me just for sex and who makes me feel safe, but yet dangerous and powerful!  We should write novels for young teenage girls, we’d make a killing.  But really, we all want a little bit of danger, safety, commitment and power in our lives, it’s not exactly supernatural, it’s probably just human.

For more Twilight sweating, check out fellow teen sensation, sweaty Robert Pattinson:

“Hot Vampire” Sweats?… &  Teen Sensation Robert Pattinson Excessively Sweats his New Fame

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Good Ol' Boy Kevin Costner Sweating

Can you feel the mediocrity?  Peace brah, peace.

Hair plug evangelist, sweaty Kevin Costner had a body double for his naked swimming scene in Robinhood. Now you have to ask yourself, how ugly is your ass when you need a body double for an ass scene?  Ass-insecurity aside, sweaty Kevin Costner has been in some pretty good movies…  Waterworld is not one of them…  It’s sort of a Madmax with boats, and isn’t nearly as good, wetter, but not as good.

Click here to view the embedded video.

You can see sweaty Kevin Costner at the next celebrity golf tournament and in cable showings of his movies… He’s currently married to german model and handbag designer Christine Baumgartnerk.

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Brooke Shields Sweating Andre Agassi?

What’s about Levi Johnston’s sweaty jailbird mom? Yeah, that was crystal meth too, but we don’t think tennis is so hot up in Alaska. What were talking about again? Oh yeah, perspiring Brooke Shields, she’s really sweaty, not because Andre Agassi doesn’t love her anymore…

Oh, someone needs to stop us, really.  Who knows why she’s sweating so much in the photo, but we know this, Andre Agassi is a pretty cool dude, we recommend watching the 60 Minutes special about how the tennis star, his book and his redemption.  We cried like little girls, not because some of us are actually little girls, but, because Andre Agassi is a huge bucket of awesome.  Here’s the first part:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Is it weird or sad that we do a sweating celebrity post about someone and all we can talk about is their ex-boyfriend?  Is it mean?  Is Brooke Shields not going to dance with us at Home Coming?  Or sign our yearbook…  Should we stop writing and go outside and experience life?   Is someone stabbing us in the back right nowaa;fjasdkl;jfkl;asjglk;jl;akdc..hhhhr43t….

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Sarah Lancaster Sweating

Sweaty armpits Sarah Beth Lancaster is a small-time American actress, known for her roles of Rachel in Saved by the Bell: The New Class and Madison Kellner on Everwood.  Saved by the Bell, what’s the attraction?  Why two shows?  What questions were left unanswered bye the first one?

Sarah Lancaster No Sweat in the Studio

Sweaty Sarah Lancaster also played a recurring character on NBC’s Scrubs as JD’s love-interest, Lisa the Gift-Shop Girl, and played Marjorie in ABC’s TV series What About Brian. In 2005 she starred in the TV movie Living With the Enemy with Mark Humphrey.

Currently, Sarah Lancaster, when she’s not sweat-staining dresses, oh my god, is co-starring in the NBC comedy-spy series Chuck, as the main character’s sister, Ellie Bartowski.  Yeah, that’s some quality television right there, oh my god!

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