Mark Zuckerberg: Billion-Dollar Excessive Sweating in a Cold Room

You make stupid logos that make it seem like you and your over-hyped, ivy league wet-dream of a company want to take over the world in the nerdiest way possible.  Grow up and look around, you’re nobody without Facebook, and Facebook is just an idea you most likely stole from someone else.  All you did was made Friendster and MySpace better.  Do you really honestly think you’re the end of this social network evolution?  Wake-up and cash your chips you sweaty nerd-sociopath.

The Cult of Facebook: Sweaty Evil

Oh my god, it’s freezing in here and you’re profusely sweating like you’ve just lost a billion dollars… You just did, because Facebook isn’t really worth 15 billion, only morons would think that, and now that you’ve blown this interview, you’ve really lost value for Facebook.

Here’s a reaction from an attendee from the tech conference that Mark Zuckerberg was being interviewed at:

5:08 pm: My God, Zuckerberg is literally dissolving in a lake of his own sweat. He is visibly flushed, and you can see the beads of sweat rolling down his face. Could this be his Nixon moment?

Mark Zuckerberg Profusely Sweating Through His Pivacy Settings

So what actually went down?  Mark got interviewed, starts sweating his nerd nuts off and the interviewer Kara notes this and suggests the awkward Mark Zuckerberg to take off the lame hoodie he’s wearing, asking:

“You all right? We’re not even yelling at you…yet.”

Mark Zuckerberg refuses to take off the ugly hoodie. I never take it off, he says. Then he wipes the excessive sweat from his brow, looks at the resulting sweat stain on his arm, and then says “whoa,” relents and takes it off.

So in the interview with the Wall Street Journal’s Kara Swisher and Walt Mossberg, Mark Zuckerberg insisted on keeping his lame dark grey hoodie until his strange profuse sweating, (the room was chilly cold) forced the Facebook CEO to take it off.   Creepy eyes (Mark Zuckerberg) then joked about Walt Mossberg’s privacy questions by threatening awkwardly that he does better in internal Facebook meetings because, “I get to wear my hoodie there.”  That’s a like a lame douche bag saying on a date:

“I do better when I’m home masturbating.”

We smell sweaty douche bag, in like the biggest way.  It’s so obvious that Facebook changes it’s privacy settings so much so that all of our information can be stolen and sold, otherwise why are these settings automatically set to less private instead of more private?  And why does he talk like a robot and move his head around as if he’s some sort of animatronic doll?  Creepy dude is creepy.

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Why is this Broad Famous? Kate Hudson Sweating Like She Worked Hard to Get to Where She Is...

Sweaty Kate Hudson, why do you still exist in media?  We have no idea.  Everything about you is like so blah!

You even agree with us that you’re about as exciting as mauve wallpaper.  Sweaty Kate Hudson’s own words about seeing herself on screen:

“gets cold… shakes and… sweats”

That people still give you roles is amazing, we’ve seen all your movies and have no memory of any of your performances, because you basically suck and have no talent whatsoever.  You have lots of talent for excessive sweating in public however…

Even your boyfriends and husbands suck.  Ex-husband Chris Robinson of The Black Crowes and more recently, Alex Rodriguez?  Really?  It’d be hard to find larger douche bags than these two.

Why the hot sweaty hate?  Well, for one, there are loads of talented actresses in Hollywood that you’re taking roles from because of your connections, and you can’t to save your life or your movies…

Please fade away out of our entertainment landscape you perspiration disaster!

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Brooke Shields Sweating Andre Agassi?

What’s about Levi Johnston’s sweaty jailbird mom? Yeah, that was crystal meth too, but we don’t think tennis is so hot up in Alaska. What were talking about again? Oh yeah, perspiring Brooke Shields, she’s really sweaty, not because Andre Agassi doesn’t love her anymore…

Oh, someone needs to stop us, really.  Who knows why she’s sweating so much in the photo, but we know this, Andre Agassi is a pretty cool dude, we recommend watching the 60 Minutes special about how the tennis star, his book and his redemption.  We cried like little girls, not because some of us are actually little girls, but, because Andre Agassi is a huge bucket of awesome.  Here’s the first part:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Is it weird or sad that we do a sweating celebrity post about someone and all we can talk about is their ex-boyfriend?  Is it mean?  Is Brooke Shields not going to dance with us at Home Coming?  Or sign our yearbook…  Should we stop writing and go outside and experience life?   Is someone stabbing us in the back right nowaa;fjasdkl;jfkl;asjglk;jl;akdc..hhhhr43t….

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