Eva Amurri Sweating in Red All Over the Red Carpet

And she’s sweating all over Hollywood, it’s the pits.

Susan Sarandon & Daughter Eva Amurri, it’s like Susan Sarandon got younger, taller and hotter all at once.

Eva Amurri, Not Just a Sweaty Susan Sarandon 2.0

We had to show a pic from the sweaty strip club scene from Californication, you know, for science.

Eva Amurri Californication

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Dina Lohan Sweating Parasite or Regular Hollywood Mom: You Decide

Does perspiring Dina Lohan pop out daughters just to be famous?  Or is there something even more sinister afoot? And is sweaty Dina Lohan the chicken or the egg?  And what came first, the plastic surgery or the meth?  I think someone scrambled our eggs and tossed our Prozac with our salad.  This is Zoomanity!

Let’s see what Anderson Cooper says about Living Lohan:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Anderson Cooper:  One.  Dina Lohan:  Zero.  Your move sweaty Lohans!

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Sarah Jessica Parker and Her Excessive Sweating Armpit

Those of us at Celebrity Sweating that have a penis, think sweaty Sarah Jessica Parker sucks and that Sex and the City (the TV show and especially the movies) sucks on level that makes everything else that sucks suck less.  That’s a lot of sweaty sucking.

If there was a term for the philosophy of Sex and the City, it could be labeled as anorexic feminism.  That is, feminism so vapid, commercial and lacking in constructive ideas, that it starves the life out of what being a modern woman is about, that is, it is destructive and basically poisonous to the collective psychology of women.

We didn’t even take Women Studies 101 in college and we can see this plain as day.  Sarah Jessica Parker knows that what she produces is horrible, you can just tell with all of her excessive sweating.

In the Sex and the City world, women are culturally insensitive shallow hogs that are concerned with the most base, and mindless desires while hoarding expensive designer clothes, shoes and accessories without ever understanding the culture and art that goes into those things.  Women who where the brand for the brand.  We could go on and on.  It’s retarded, seriously. Like the picture below.

Why the Sweaty Long Face? (Still Not Sexy)

Retarded like this quote from sweaty Sarah Jessica Parker about her new fragrance coming out soon:

“I’m working on a new genderless fragrance that’s not out yet,” says Parker. “I can’t even tell you what it’s called. It has taken me three years to decide on the scent because I really like B.O. and I think it’s sexy. I wanted to figure out a way to make it palatable to everybody. I was like, ‘How do you get B.O. in a bottle and make an atomiser of it?’”

Retarded.

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JWoww is a Picture of Silicone in a Sea of Excessive Sweat

We really don’t understand Jersey Shore, because we deal with douche bags every day, driving on the Los Angeles freeway.  Why would we want to watch sweaty douche bags when we come home to relax?

Watching idiots being idiots has never been that charming to us, but it seems to have transfixed the rest of the world.  Why?  Oh why?  It really makes us excessively sweaty in frustration.

The same people we avoided in High School are seemingly all the rage now as sweaty skanky reality stars are everywhere in our everything.

From skanky housewives to skanky Snooki’s, fame has never been so low.Proof of skank, the MySpace from above bikini shot.  The prosecution rests.

JWoww in Her Skanky MySpace Bikini Shot

We really wished Idiocracy was a better movie because it really is a window into our sweat-filled skanked future.

JWoww Sweaty Workout

Jersey Shore, the kind of show where fashion houses send their competitor’s products as gifts to the stars (Unbranding) in hopes that they wear and embarass these companies…  True Hollywood Story.

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Michelle Obama Sweating the Hula Hoops

Michelle Obama sweating over the BP’s gulf oil disaster?   About two wars in the Middle East? About the fact that the economy is probably going to get a lot worse (who isn’t sweating about that?)?

No.  Michelle Obama is excessively sweating doing some important hula hooping y’all!

Is the Barack Obama presidency the final nail in the coffin against the arguments that the presidency isn’t just a puppet show for more powerful interests?

It certainly seems so sometimes…

This current president, what’s his name, is probably one the coolest dudes ever, but it is seemingly the same story, different face so far.  Or the continuation of a bad script, started ten years ago.

All this political talk, all we have to say is that hula hoops make us happy, like instantly.

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License to Sweat: Pierce Brosnan Excessively Sweats Obscurity

If the current angry, muscular brute of a James Bond, played Daniel Craig, isn’t a reaction to Pierce Brosnan’s James Bond, then we’re some kind of perverted celebrity body fluid bloggers. Okay, bad analogy.

Sweaty Pierce Brosnan might have been the best looking James Bond, but he just wasn’t believable as the charming international thug, who villains can’t kill before discussing their plans for world domination.

His fight scenes were too slow, too dainty, too clean.  He just didn’t seem like he was breaking any kind of sweat on screen, but he seems to sweat a lot off screen.

Famke Janssen as Xenia, steals the movie from sweaty pits Bronson, in Goldeneye as you’ll see below in our favorite scene from the movie:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Sweaty Pierce Brosnan, you weren’t bad as Bond, just not believable, but you were entertaining.

Click here to view the embedded video.

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Kerry Katona Sweating Life as a Plus-Size

There’s so much about Kerry Katona that’s like a True Hollywood Story.  The sweaty British celebrity traveled from home to home, ending up in foster care here and there.  The chubby sweaty celebrity left school at age sixteen to become a lap dancer .

Kerry Katona Sweating with Champagne, So Very Posh

The lap dancing, led to her  joining a dance troupe that toured all of Europe.  Kerry attempted to become a glamour model in her teens and posed for nude photographs (we searched, they’re really easy to find).

Sweaty Kerry Katona and Kids

Back 1999, at 18, Kerry Katona became a celebrity as a founding member of all-female pop trio Atomic Kitten. What is she doing now? Getting of bankruptcy, sweating a lot, being a mom, and not much else…

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Steve Carell all Sweating on Purpose?

Hello funny-face McGee. We wonder if Steve Carell only makes that face when is armpits are drenched with sweating?  He’s got so many funny faces, it’s really hard to keep track.

Steve Carell is currently working on a remake of a Peter Sellers film The Bobo and we’re sweaty with anticipation.

Oh, just look at the guy, simply hilarious.  Some people are just funny, and there’s no way around it.

You can see sweaty Steve Carell in his new action comedy, Date Night where he stars with that Sara Palin impersonator (Tina Fey)!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Steve Carell, How Can you Not Laugh at this Guy?

Looks mildly entertaining… Sort of like a really long Saturday Night Live sketch routine.  Steve Carell is happiness.

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Sweaty Jude Law as Hamlet at the Boradhurst Theatre, NYC

Back in December of 2009, a wee actor named Jude Law was doing Hamlet on Broadway, while his movie Sherlock Holmes was to debut a month or so later and he was set to have another child. Both were not huge successes, but successes nonetheless and Jude just met latter mentioned child recently… Dude is busy.

Minimal Hamlet, no distractions, just acting and ego!

Excessively Sweaty Jude Law Measures His Ego

The critics were favorable of Jude Law’s sweaty, sparse Hamlet and we have to admit, it was rather tense and entertaining, and for Sherlock Holmes? Well, we just wished Sherlock was a bit smarter.

More Jude Law excessive sweating below:

Excessive Sweating Criminal: Jude Law

Looking a Little “Closer” at Sweaty Jude Law.

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Excessively Sweaty Owen Wilson

Oh Wes Anderson darling, sweaty Owen Wilson, you have that natural talent of playing you, so well…  Because in every movie, you’re basically that guy, Owen Wilson, yeah, that guy again.  That guy with the oddly mesmerizing nose.

But it’s really okay, because your  one character is really sort of charming.  Yeah, really, it’s no sweat.  Who cares  about range when you have consistency?  Who cares about sweating?  We do.

So really, keep doing what your doing, Mr. Owen Wilson, it’s vaguely entertaining and somewhat comforting in a flatter-your-own-intelligence-like-way, exactly like a Wes Anderson movie, except without the antique but colorful palette.

More Owen Wilson indie cred excessive sweating below:

Does Owen Wilson Nose About His Excessive Sweat?

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Mariah Carey Sweating Her Slow Fade Into Obscurity

Where have all the Cinderella’s gone?  Cinderella’s story ended early (you never got to find out what happened after the Prince marries Cinderella), and if they made sequels, the story would probably end up like mimicking Mariah Carey’s life.  For realz dawg.  Sweat life.  Sweat life.

What really is sweaty Mariah Carey’s appeal?  Sure, great voice, and used to be a serious hottie who made men sweat everywhere, but that was like a decade ago.

Now Mariah Carey is a recently married sweaty cougar who also happens to be the 6th richest woman in entertainment.

Classy Mariah Carey, No Sweat Out in the Wild

Here’s a Mariah Carey video, circa 2008.  It says everything that needs to be said about how somebody comes from being an inspirational story, bring oneself up from basically nothing, to a tasteless, vapid, sweaty has-been…

Click here to view the embedded video.

Can you say lame?  Really?  Are nerdy white guys really dreaming about Mariah Carey (she was 38 when this video was shot)?  Really?

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Scarlett Johansson Sweating the Press

“I would like to say among celebrities, their needs to be some sort of antiperspirant relief fund”

We couldn’t agree more Mrs. Reynolds (Scarlett Johansson married to actor Ryan Reynolds)…

When making the critically acclaimed movie, Match Point, writer and director Woody Allen said of sweaty Scarlett Johansson that she’s “sexually overwhelming.”  Woody Allen continues by stating it was:

“Very hard to be extra witty around a sexually overwhelming, beautiful young woman who is wittier than you are.”

Scarlett Johansson So Lovely With No Sweating

You know what we love about sweaty Scarlett Johansson?  We love that she dislikes it when celebrities thank God or Jesus in award acceptance speeches.  Yes, that’s a huge pet peeve of ours too…  God really cares if you win that football game or get that Golden Globe (sarcasm).

More Scarlett Johansson sweating below:

Spying a Sweat Stain on Sexy Scarlett Johanson

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Excessive Sweating Hilary Swank, On a Casting for the Next Terminator?

“Fierce” isn’t quite the the right word, attractively menacing?  Is she looking for John Conner?

Sweaty Hilary Swank has made some bad movies (The Next Karate Kid, Emelia Earhart, etc.) and some amazing ones (Boys Don’t Cry, Million Dollar Baby, etc.)…  And she’s still going strong, as the methodic actor, sweaty Hilary Swank, is set to make a new version of Intimate Strangers.  The  ”actor, not a celebrity” (quote by Hilary Swank), is also currently set up to play the lead role and producer for a film based on John Marks novel Fangland, reportedly going to be directed by John Carpenter.  Sounds like a scary sweat-fest!

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Ashton Kutcher Jungle Excessive Sweating

Ashton Kutcher isn’t just the sweaty victim of a cougar mauling, he’s also starring in the new movie, Valentine’s Day.  The one time male model, who has a last name that sounds like female genitalia (yeah, a lady’s man so to speak), plays a florist who’s going to propose to Jessica Alba’s character (yes, she still gets roles because she’s amazingly hot).

Ashton Kutcher Sweating with Cougar in Hot Pursuit

Watch out sweaty Ashton Kutcher!  There’s something desperate, older, botoxed ,clamoring for attention right behind  you!  And it could totally eclipse everything you’ve ever done in your career!

We do have a soft spot for you Ashton Kutcher, Mr. Demi Moore, there’s nothing to hate on.

So good luck to you, sweaty cougar slayer you.  Tell the wife, Demi Moore, to stop Photoshopping her magazine covers yo.

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J-Lo and Sweaty Marc Anthony Who's Big in South America

Sweaty Marc Anthony’s armpits are a crime against humanity.  Anyone have the International Criminal Court at The Hague’s phone number?  We think Marc Anthony has been waterboarding Jennifor Lopez’s ex-boyfriends with his armpits…  Serious.

Marc Anthony, antiperspirant much?  Ever?

Someone call Sean Hannity, we’d love to waterboard him for charity using Marc Anthony’s excessive sweating armpits, it’ll be a  huge reality TV hit!  At least in Japan.  Well, at least torture lackey John Yoo would love it!

Well, anyways, Marc Anthony just loves the “I just survived the Amazon in my cheap shirt or suit” look.  What are you gonna do?  Crime against humanity?  Maybe.  Crime against Jennifer Lopez?  Yes.  Definitely.

More excessive sweating Latino Steve Buscemi below:

Marc Anthony is Way Too Legit to Sweat!

Why is This Latino Man Sweating Excessively?

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Tom Cruise Excessively Sweats as if His Beard is in His Amrpits

Sweating Tom Cruise is proof that there are honest, down-to-Earth people who follow the true values of what America is, still working in Hollywood.

We all died a little just right there…  Extreme sarcasm, don’t try it at home folks!

How does perspiration stained Tom Cruise act so real day in and day out?  It’s just one of those phenomena like Korean Christians or people who thought the plot for Avatar was amazing.

Forbes magazine back in June of 2006 published ‘The Celebrity 100,” listing the most powerful celebrities.  Sweaty Tom Cruise was first in star power of course…  But then like some VH1 fallen celebrity documentary, sweaty armpits Tom Cruise’s crazy dam broke.

August 2006, “a USA Today/Gallup poll in which half of those surveyed registered an “unfavorable” opinion of the actor” and his “unacceptable behavior”  both became reasons for totally authentic Tom Cruise to be dropped from Paramount’s production contract with totally heterosexual Tom Cruise.

Marketing Evaluations, yeah, we’ve never heard of them either, reported that Cruise’s Q score (a measure of popularity for famous people), had fallen 40 percent.  Additionally, too-little-antiperspirant Tom Cruise is the celebrity people would least like as their best friend (duh).

More sweaty Tom Cruise craziness below (totally needs a suppressive person to handle him):

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Jude Law Sweating Like His Star is Totally in Decline

Judy Law excessive sweats like it’s totally in fashion brah, totes!

If you lived on planet Earth for the last month, you of course know that movie history has changed for the better, as Avatar has basically rocked our little blue speck of dust in the universe.  We saw it, we were sweaty with total enjoyment.

Click here to view the embedded video.

We have yet to see celebrity baby spawning Jude Law’s movie however.  But what does that say in itself?  Don’t get us wrong, Sherlock Holmes does look like a fun, sweat inducing time, but we can’t imagine it blowing us away like Avatar did.  Guy Ritchie, we loved you as Madonna’s arm candy, and we think your movie’s are entertaining, but don’t mess with the James Cameron.

More Jude Law sweating:

Looking a Little “Closer” at Jude Law.

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Why is this Broad Famous? Kate Hudson Sweating Like She Worked Hard to Get to Where She Is...

Sweaty Kate Hudson, why do you still exist in media?  We have no idea.  Everything about you is like so blah!

You even agree with us that you’re about as exciting as mauve wallpaper.  Sweaty Kate Hudson’s own words about seeing herself on screen:

“gets cold… shakes and… sweats”

That people still give you roles is amazing, we’ve seen all your movies and have no memory of any of your performances, because you basically suck and have no talent whatsoever.  You have lots of talent for excessive sweating in public however…

Even your boyfriends and husbands suck.  Ex-husband Chris Robinson of The Black Crowes and more recently, Alex Rodriguez?  Really?  It’d be hard to find larger douche bags than these two.

Why the hot sweaty hate?  Well, for one, there are loads of talented actresses in Hollywood that you’re taking roles from because of your connections, and you can’t to save your life or your movies…

Please fade away out of our entertainment landscape you perspiration disaster!

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Ashley Jones Sweating on the Red Carpet

Armpit sweat disaster Ashley Jones is a daytime star, becoming a standout on the very long-running CBS soap opera The Young and the Restless.

Ashley Jones played Megan Dennison Viscardi from 1998 to 2000 and came back for a brief stint in 2001.  Ashley Jones earned two Daytime Emmy nominations for her role on The Young and the Restless.  Below, she’s doing on turn on the second season of True Blood, playing Daphne and dipping in the pond because she’s all sweaty!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Ashley Jones is of course playing Dr. Bridget Forrester on The Bold and the Beautiful since December 2004.  The part in the daytime series was originated by Agnes Bruckner and later played by Jennifer Finnigan and Emily Harrison.

We think she’s all kinds of talented!

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Rihanna Sweating Through All of Her Silkiness

Get some antiperspirant for that excessive sweating yo, you’re gonna sweat stain that silk!

A little Rihanna face sweating never hurt anyone.  You’re all kinds of sweaty hot miss thing.

Rihanna Performance Face Sweating

Sweaty face Rihanna, we want to like you, especially after that whole Chris Brown domestic violence thing, but after seeing the video below, it’s hard not to hate on you.  For realz dawg.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Whoring up a sweat by gyrating on tanks in middle eastern surroundings just isn’t cool.  We know, you’re trying to be all Lady Gaga, with your outfits and themes, but you’re straight up stupid in this video and the song sucks too.

Stick to this sort of thing Rihanna:

Click here to view the embedded video.

That’s what made you hot, take not hot sweaty thing.

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Tiger Woods Sweaty Armpits Triumphs in a Hole in Many!

Just think about it, a man who has no real social passions?  What kind of man believes in nothing?  Who doesn’t care about any world issues?  Doesn’t speak out about anything?  What kind of man believes only in sponsorships and winning at a pointless, boring game?   Well, with all of the above, you get a dead on the inside, minority on the outside, bland corporate warrior, Mister sweaty Tiger Woods…

Excessive sweating on the course, excessively sweaty after and off the course!  To say that sweaty armpits Tiger Woods sleeps with anything that moves is an understatement.  List of Tiger Woods girls to follow…

Tiger Woods Shame Sweating!

1. Rachel Uchitel. The VIP club hostess was the first (oh to be the first!) of the women to be linked to Tiger Woods after the National Enquirer reported that she traveled to Australia to be with Woods during a golf tournament there. So far, she has, oh my god, denied the affair.

2. Jamie Grubbs, who is just your average I want to be famous kind of Hollywood girl.

3. Kalika Moquin is some sort of maketing executive for the Bank nightclub, we wonder if she makes bank? This affair came to light in Life & Style magazine, Kalika Moquin replied with an inspiring no comment.

4. Cori Rist was named as another mistress. She has answered, again, inspiringly, with a no comment to allegations of the affair. She is 31 years old.  An awesome former fiance of hers told the media about Cori’s time lost in the Woods, the sweaty, vapid Tiger Woods.

5. Jamie Jungers is an out this world and incredible Las Vegas drink waitress (sarcasm) and is said to have been involved with Tiger Woods for approximately 18 months.  Thems a lot of drinks!

6.) Mindy Lawton is a 33 year old waitress who told her story to the U.K. publication, News of the World. Many have come out publicly to state that they do not believe Mindy Lawton’s Tiger Woods exchange of fluids story.

7. Holly Sampson gave a detailed account of her relationship with Tiger Woods in a video that was

Maybe Future Playboy Model, Mistress and Fame Whore Rachel Uchitel

filmed on May 26, 2009.

8. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 8.

9. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 9

10. Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 10.

11. Joslyn James, she has neither confirmed nor denied the rumors.

12. Loredana Jolie, who’s a Playboy model and an escort (does that count as mistress?).  It’s a complicated world these days!

13.  Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 13.

14.  Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 14.

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