Tom Cruise Excessively Sweats as if His Beard is in His Amrpits

Sweating Tom Cruise is proof that there are honest, down-to-Earth people who follow the true values of what America is, still working in Hollywood.

We all died a little just right there…  Extreme sarcasm, don’t try it at home folks!

How does perspiration stained Tom Cruise act so real day in and day out?  It’s just one of those phenomena like Korean Christians or people who thought the plot for Avatar was amazing.

Forbes magazine back in June of 2006 published ‘The Celebrity 100,” listing the most powerful celebrities.  Sweaty Tom Cruise was first in star power of course…  But then like some VH1 fallen celebrity documentary, sweaty armpits Tom Cruise’s crazy dam broke.

August 2006, “a USA Today/Gallup poll in which half of those surveyed registered an “unfavorable” opinion of the actor” and his “unacceptable behavior”  both became reasons for totally authentic Tom Cruise to be dropped from Paramount’s production contract with totally heterosexual Tom Cruise.

Marketing Evaluations, yeah, we’ve never heard of them either, reported that Cruise’s Q score (a measure of popularity for famous people), had fallen 40 percent.  Additionally, too-little-antiperspirant Tom Cruise is the celebrity people would least like as their best friend (duh).

More sweaty Tom Cruise craziness below (totally needs a suppressive person to handle him):

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Governator Sweating Signing Autographs, Does He Sign Them "Governator?"

Sweaty Arnold Schwarzenegger, Republican Governator of massively indebted California is sweating bullets in a non-action-movie sort of way…  Possibly because this great state of sand and beaches is the beauty school dropout of states, we look good but man, can you buy dinner this time? We left our wallet at work…  We’ll get you back, we’ve got beaches, broke starlets, and crushed dreams under the shadow of a thin, lifeless sign up on some insignificant hill…

Oh sorry, we just went all Sunset Boulevard on your ass…  Won’t happen again (empty promise).

Oh, now we’re all sweaty, all those auditions and we’re writing for a stupid Celebrity Sweatingblog!  And those expensive acting lessons…  And some guy, some guy who can’t even speak english, from Austria!  He gets all the parts in Jewish land!  What the hell!!?  We kid, none of us here are good looking enough to be actores, except, maybe the Celebrity Sweating interns…

Sweaty Governator is Looking a Little, How Do Say, Terminated

Oh sweaty Arnold Schwarzenegger! You’re so cute when you’re just about to get a hernia! Oh, that sounded kind of gay, strike that from the record! So here’s a picture for you sweaty Governator…

Oh yeah, all that muscle turns into flabby skin…  Sort of like those I.O.U’s from the great state of California!  Oh it hurts, the economy…  The reality of it all, make it stop…

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Excessive Sweating Armpits Stain George W Bush at the Olympics

Hey baby, y’ know, I’m the president, that’s right. Yeah, I forgot to wear the old antiperspirant today, whatta y’now? Y’know, if you donna cooperate, I can send your whole family to Gitmo.

Sweaty Old Man Pervert George W Bush

Excessive Sweating George W Bush is the worst president in the history of the United States and yet, he just keeps getting worse… How does one sleep at night knowing that you’ve basically destroyed a whole country, displaced millions of people, and killed hundreds of thousands just for some ridiculously unfair oil contracts for your oil buddies and friends in the war profiteering business.

It gives us all hyperhidrosis just thinking about the damn rotten moron (George W Bush that is). It also makes us cringe that our athletes had to entertain this sweaty drunken oaf while they competed for gold. They train for years and then have to deal with bumbling perspiring idiot extraordinaire during one the most important times of their lives…

Getting sweaty drunk in front of your wife and daughter as the President of the United States while the whole world watches. Priceless. For everything else, there’s Dick Cheney.

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Excessive Sweating Vladimir Putin at the 2008 Olympics

“Yes I know, I can sweat and drown tiny puny Georgia so-called country with just my armpit sweating.”

Yes, that’s a real quote from sweaty Vladimir Perspiration Putin and if you get your news quotes from a celebrity excessive sweating blog, then you probably should go back to elementary school and start with the alphabet.

Sweaty faced Vladimir Putin talking to the void, otherwise known as Dick Cheney’s sidekick, President George W. Bush. What do you think these two rich, morally bankrupt bastards are saying?

Vladimir Putin Evil Sweaty Face Versus Blank Stare of Retard at the Olympics 2008

“You may have Michael Phelps, but you also have Iraq, Afghanistan and you know, much bad real estate. We have oil and lots of bad spam we send to your people. Your country is, how you say, bankrupt.”

Now that’s a made up quote! Mainstream media, eat your corporate sweaty ass-kissing hearts out! Sweaty armpits Putin is said to have had the highest approval rating of any world leader while he was the sweaty president of Russia (an astounding 81% approval rating). It doesn’t hurt that industry grew by 75% while the perspiration laden leader of Russian oligarchs was the boss.

Vladimir Putin Sweaty Pits at the Olympics 2008

Yes excessive sweating pits Vladimir Putin, life is good, put your arms in the air like you don’t care! But you do! You do care! Just not about your sweaty Russian bear armpits.

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Oh look, we’re exporting sweating comedy bombs to Australia!

Ah, sweaty Jack black, you do however have many a redeeming performance, first there’s of course, your band, Tenacious D, secondly, the movie, School of Rock, and lastly, countless other small performances here and there on TV and in movies.

Does it all balance out, yeah, we guess… Sometimes we just like to hate on someone, usually someone really sweaty, but Jack Black, you’re just alright, and we can live with that.

Now if we found out you’re a greedy, little boy molesting Republican, well, we’ll start the hate machine up real fast…

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The former boxer and fooballer, Liam Neeson is no stranger to excessive sweating, being competitive in all physical arenas he’s dabbled in.  Poor Liam, it’s tough being a human being and a celebrity…

The huge wet spot might just be someone spilling a drink on the old lad, who knows. Liam, we loved you in Schindler’s List. Leave it to Steven Spielberg (the recent king of bland family movies) to make a somewhat uplifting film about the Holocaust…  In reality, however, it is one of Spielberg’s best films and Liam should have one an Oscar for his portrayal of Oscar Schindler.  We get sweaty shivers every time we think about that last scene where Oscar Schindler breaks down, realizing that his remaining luxuries could of been traded for more Jewish lives…

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How big of a sweaty douche bag is Sammy Hagar?

Sammy Hagar is an avid Republican, supporing and donating to Bush and Cheney in 2003. Yeah, he supports torturers, liers and criminals who steal from ordinary hardworking people, Rock ‘n’ Roll dude! How can one person be such a sweaty douche bag?

See the thing is, David Lee Roth parachuted into a Van Halen concert. That’s right, he landed on stage and then the show started, if that doesn’t make you sweat awesomeness, if that’s not badass, what is? How can any sweaty curly-haired, clown-look-alike think he could replace David Lee Roth? He can’t and didn’t, Van Halen sucked after Roth left and sweaty pits Hagar continues to suck to this day.

That was one of Roth’s big ideas. I’m not even sure why, but he said, ‘Let’s parachute into the (Anaheim) stadium.’ Of course, we couldn’t do it ourselves, so we hired four professional sky divers to to jump out of an airplane before our set. The idea was that we would wear identical gear and run on stage and pretend it was us that jumped out of the plane. So there we were, wearing these crazy, heavy outfits, sweating our balls off, waiting for the sky divers to come down so we could jump on stage. It was silly, and it almost turned into a complete catastrophy, because while we were trying to get out of the gear, Al severely twisted his ankle and had to play the show with practically a broken foot.

Okay, so they didn’t parachute onto stage, but it was still awesome… What did they do during sweaty Sammy Hagar’s tenure? Not much but fade away…

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It must of been one wild and crazy time in the Hamptons, oh boy. TMZ said this about the dial and abuse excessively sweaty father:

TMZ cameras were at a Billy Joel concert on Saturday, where Baldwin left the venue dripping — in what appears to be sweat. Baldwin even had to pick up a nice dry t-shirt on the way out the door, proudly showing it off to our photog.

We like the guy. Goes out by himself, doesn’t care if he’s dripping in perspiration, just parties like it doesn’t matter. To see the video of the angry sweaty father, click here…

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Yeah, so sweaty Homer’s no Conan O’Brien, but we’d say he’s much funnier than the world’s largest chin, Jay Leno, even with bad material. Homer bombs with his opening act, sweats as his arms go numb and then gets escorted out by cartoon Jay Leno security. Jay Leno closes the opening as he asks himself “Why am I sweat’n like this?” Seems to be a current Simpson’s theme as Lisa, in the last part of The Simpsons Movie gets sweaty palms when holding hands with her new Irish crush (sounds like a great soft drink, no? Clean and refreshing, unless you’re a Protestant). If you haven’t seen the movie, go see it, it’s funnier than a vagina clown car.

The above really doesn’t have much to do with anything, it has a little to do with sweating, as giving birth is a sport in this woman’s case, however, we just thought our readers would appreciate no sweat funny tangents every now and then. You’re very welcome.

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As reported by US Magazine:

Bump  and Grind! Break dancing! Butt-slapping! Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and their pals had few inhibitions at the July 22 “Welcome to America” party the couple threw for Victoria and David Beckham in L.A.

As guests like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Eva Longoria and Brooke Shields mingled, Jim Carrey pretended to spank girlfriend Jenny McCarthy as they boogie down and Will Smith rapped and did splits on the dance floor.

Yeah, the Beckhams entered America with an allstar sweaty freakout, taking excessively perspiring Tom Cruise away from his trouble with the Germans. Get some treatment Tom, at least for your explosive sweating, think of the children sweaty Tom.

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We call him ‘sweaty bear,’ while others call him ‘greasy bear,’ while both are apt titles, we’re going to have to go with sweaty bear. Apparently Greasy/Sweaty Bear crashes parties. Fire Crotch Hater, Brandon Davis just isn’t wanted anywhere as friends like Stavros Niarchos denying that he ever could invite the useless son of rich man here.

The Greek shipping heir had evidently told Davis about the party and was already inside. But when staffers found Niarchos, he begged them to tell Davis that he wasn’t there, adding, “I didn’t invite him here, and I don’t really want to be around him.” Niarchos then joined the other revelers. Davis eventually made such a fuss that he was allowed in – and Niarchos beelined to a Details editor to apologize, adding, “You know I would never bring him here.”

Anyone notice the apparent beauty of an oil heir being called greasy bear and consistently excessively sweating like Joe Francis before his first shower in jail? That’s some intelligent design if there ever was, golly us.

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