JWoww is a Picture of Silicone in a Sea of Excessive Sweat

We really don’t understand Jersey Shore, because we deal with douche bags every day, driving on the Los Angeles freeway.  Why would we want to watch sweaty douche bags when we come home to relax?

Watching idiots being idiots has never been that charming to us, but it seems to have transfixed the rest of the world.  Why?  Oh why?  It really makes us excessively sweaty in frustration.

The same people we avoided in High School are seemingly all the rage now as sweaty skanky reality stars are everywhere in our everything.

From skanky housewives to skanky Snooki’s, fame has never been so low.Proof of skank, the MySpace from above bikini shot.  The prosecution rests.

JWoww in Her Skanky MySpace Bikini Shot

We really wished Idiocracy was a better movie because it really is a window into our sweat-filled skanked future.

JWoww Sweaty Workout

Jersey Shore, the kind of show where fashion houses send their competitor’s products as gifts to the stars (Unbranding) in hopes that they wear and embarass these companies…  True Hollywood Story.

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Megan Fox Sweaty Boobs Can't Save Her Career

You might be reading and hearing her Hollywood diarrhea mouth spouting all kinds meaningless actress interview dribble, such as:

“God, I really wish I could go loose on this one. He’s like Napoleon and he wants to create this insane, infamous mad-man reputation. He wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So he’s a nightmare to work for but when you get him away from set, and he’s not in director mode, I kind of really enjoy his personality because he’s so awkward, so hopelessly awkward. He has no social skills at all. And it’s endearing to watch him. He’s vulnerable and fragile in real life and then on set he’s a tyrant. Shia [Labeouf] and I almost die when we make a Transformers movie. He has you do some really insane things that insurance would never let you do.”

Megan Fox: More Sweaty Boob Modeling

That some major high school trash talk right there.  The Hitler comparison, really?  Really?

Megan Fox: 3rd Picture in Her Sweaty Boobs Series

Sweaty Megan Fox, it was nice seeing you on the big screen, good luck with the career now that you’ve made it very public that you’re both hard to work with and a train wreck off set.  What a wonderful combination for a long career in Hollywood (sarcasm).

Click for more Mega Fox sweating

Megan Fox is a Sweaty Cherry

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Jessica Alba with Excited Sweaty Cleavage

Jessica Alba, the actress that does not act…

Jessica Alba with More Excited Sweaty Cleavage

So much beauty, sweating, so very little talent.

Jessica Alba Pleasantly Sweat at the Scream Awards

Sweaty Jessica Alba, the right amount of minority at the right time!  We kid, there’s no such thing as the right amount of minority, just ask Arizonians!  Is there the right amount of sweating?  Yes!  Jessica Alba, you’re the pits of acting, but you’re great with the sweat glow!

For more Jessica Alba excessive sweating, just click!

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Jessica Simpson Sweats Into PG-13

Thank you?  Okay, what else is there left to say?  Is there more Jessica Simpson nipple slip sweating?  Yes!  There’s more!

Ah, the gods of sweating, you have not forsaken us!

It's a Tough Job, But We Have to Report On ALL Sweating

Sweaty Jessica Simpson,  you’re so good at… well, being Jessica Simpson!  Go you!

Click here for more Jessica Simpson related hot sweating!

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Excessively Sweaty Owen Wilson

Oh Wes Anderson darling, sweaty Owen Wilson, you have that natural talent of playing you, so well…  Because in every movie, you’re basically that guy, Owen Wilson, yeah, that guy again.  That guy with the oddly mesmerizing nose.

But it’s really okay, because your  one character is really sort of charming.  Yeah, really, it’s no sweat.  Who cares  about range when you have consistency?  Who cares about sweating?  We do.

So really, keep doing what your doing, Mr. Owen Wilson, it’s vaguely entertaining and somewhat comforting in a flatter-your-own-intelligence-like-way, exactly like a Wes Anderson movie, except without the antique but colorful palette.

More Owen Wilson indie cred excessive sweating below:

Does Owen Wilson Nose About His Excessive Sweat?

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A Very Sweaty Reese Witherspoon with Sweaty Costar

Sweating done right?  We think so.

Making Movies Has Never Been Sweatier

Sweaty Reese Witherspoon in these so-called postmodern times has joined the club of celebrities with wares to hawk. In this case, she’s joined the stinking club, celebrities with signature fragrances.  Reese Witherspoon has teamed up with Avon to create a new perfume called “In Bloom.”  Does it smell like Reese Witherspoon movie sweat?  Time will tell…  What does Reese say?

“It was a unique experience for me because I had no idea what goes into making perfumes. I thought you just pick a fragrance and it’s easy. But there were all these different levels of creating a scent that were new to me, but really fun and exciting.”

Faces of Sweat, the Unrated Edition

For more Reese Witherspoon sweating, click below:

Reese Witherspoon Without Antiperspirant!

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One degree away from Ed Hardy, John Mayer Excessive Perspiration

On dating as a celebrity (vintage sweaty douche bag):

“I should be having sex with more girls. It’s crazy to me that in my head, that being 32 and dating women is going to get me in trouble. I can’t even explain to you how terrible that feels, that I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution. It’s a nightmare.”

On going out with african american women:

“My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.”

Can you believe this guy?  Really?  Only a guy who makes music for insecure teenage girls could be so  unbelievably retarded.

On people and eliticism in general (expanding the boundaries of being a douche bag):

“Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you’re really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I’ve got a few missing. It’s ok though, because I’ve got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation… so when I meet someone who’s an 8-color type… I’m like, ‘hey girl, magenta!’ and she’s like, ‘oh, you mean purple!’ and she goes off on her purple thing, and I’m like, ‘no – I want magenta!’”

Talking about Pakistani Comedian Kumail Nanjiani:

“He looked like a brown guy but sounded like a white guy.”

On working up a sweat and getting himself off:

“I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.”

Talking about Obama winning The Nobel Peace Prize:

“What’s he going to do, send it back? It’s like I’m getting a wrongful bulge in my pants and everyone’s thinking I’ve got a nine-inch cock. I’m not going to argue with them, I’m going to let them think I have a nine-inch cock.”

Philosophizing about falling in love:

“Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don’t they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn’t that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas? …I’ll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. Think of how much mental capacity I’m using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a fuck about it.”

What he said to Perez Hilton:

“I will fuck you in the mouth to shut you up. You are not wilder than me.”

On having feelings:

“Sometimes I get so bold and I’m so confident about what I’m doing that I actually try to be more of a dork because it’s a really liberating feeling to experience what it’s like to not care.”

What really bugs us about perspiration tits John Mayer is the pretension.  It’s like he’s torturing a writing staff of midgets in order to sound smart and quirky, when he’s just your average lame white guy with connections who can play the guitar.  We just don’t know how you don’t collapse in on yourself from your immense sucking, you vortex of bland nothingness.

For more John Mayer sweating, click below:

John Mayer Sweats Like a Man Who’s Life Means Something

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Excessive Sweating Hilary Swank, On a Casting for the Next Terminator?

“Fierce” isn’t quite the the right word, attractively menacing?  Is she looking for John Conner?

Sweaty Hilary Swank has made some bad movies (The Next Karate Kid, Emelia Earhart, etc.) and some amazing ones (Boys Don’t Cry, Million Dollar Baby, etc.)…  And she’s still going strong, as the methodic actor, sweaty Hilary Swank, is set to make a new version of Intimate Strangers.  The  ”actor, not a celebrity” (quote by Hilary Swank), is also currently set up to play the lead role and producer for a film based on John Marks novel Fangland, reportedly going to be directed by John Carpenter.  Sounds like a scary sweat-fest!

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Eva Mendes Sexy Excessive Sweating

Eva Mendes Sweating for Calvin Klein

Calvin Klein always knows how to pick his sweaty models, as there aren’t too many substances hotter than wet with perspiration, Eva Mendes.

And no, it’s not Latino week at Celebrity Sweating… We just had to do a positive sweaty Latino story to balance things out in the perspiration Universe (just a sweaty coincidence) with yesterday’s Marc Anthony sweat attack.

Eva Mendes Hot Sex-Appeal Perspiration

Sweat, it can be a real thing of beauty, when used for the greater good…  For the benefit of sweaty society at large.  Amen sweaty brothers and sisters, amen.

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Alicia Keys Concert Sweating

Girlfriend cant excessive sweat!Oil spill on your sweaty love hills!  Unnatural disaster!

Alicia Keys Concert Boob Sweating

Sweaty Alicia Keys will of course come out with her fourth album this month (December 15th), calling it “The Element of Freedom.”  Fascinating title, not.  The lead song from the album, appropriately titled “Doesn’t Mean Anything,” can be watched below, where you can decide for yourself:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Totally forgettable.  A nice adult contemporary beat, non-offensive lyrics that are meaningless and overly repetitive, it’ll be a huge hit in the nursing homes!  You can totally see grandma bumping and grinding and working up a sweat to this one.

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Professional Partier Paris Hilton Excessive Sweating

Controversially, our time’s Marilyn Monroe of sorts, sweaty Paris Hilton has recently been eclipsed by new Hollywood scene bimbos (and we say bimbo with affection). For example, Disney’s little teen star, Miley Cyrus, recently did a dance routine based around strippers.  Paris Hilton might act stupid, but she doesn’t celebrate stupid.  Yes, there’s a difference.

To the right, you can see sweaty Paris Hilton, in her natural environment, looking bored and full of excessive perspiration.

So much sweating, so little care…

After sweaty Paris Hilton, sex tapes just don’t mean what they used to.  They’re almost a launching point to one’s career (notice sweaty Kim Kardashian).

We do hate on sweaty Paris Hilton for one thing, helping start the trend of annoyingly needy girls with small dogs.  If you live in Los Angeles,  you know our pain.

Future Paris Hilton No Sweating

More Paris Hilton sweating and antiperspirant gaffes:

Excessive Celebrity Sweating Top Ten List

Paris Hilton’s Excess Jail Sweat to Be Autioned on Ebay

Snort Paris Hilton’s Sweat-Proof Armpits

Paris Hilton Really Likes Flaky White Stuff

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Governator Sweating Signing Autographs, Does He Sign Them "Governator?"

Sweaty Arnold Schwarzenegger, Republican Governator of massively indebted California is sweating bullets in a non-action-movie sort of way…  Possibly because this great state of sand and beaches is the beauty school dropout of states, we look good but man, can you buy dinner this time? We left our wallet at work…  We’ll get you back, we’ve got beaches, broke starlets, and crushed dreams under the shadow of a thin, lifeless sign up on some insignificant hill…

Oh sorry, we just went all Sunset Boulevard on your ass…  Won’t happen again (empty promise).

Oh, now we’re all sweaty, all those auditions and we’re writing for a stupid Celebrity Sweatingblog!  And those expensive acting lessons…  And some guy, some guy who can’t even speak english, from Austria!  He gets all the parts in Jewish land!  What the hell!!?  We kid, none of us here are good looking enough to be actores, except, maybe the Celebrity Sweating interns…

Sweaty Governator is Looking a Little, How Do Say, Terminated

Oh sweaty Arnold Schwarzenegger! You’re so cute when you’re just about to get a hernia! Oh, that sounded kind of gay, strike that from the record! So here’s a picture for you sweaty Governator…

Oh yeah, all that muscle turns into flabby skin…  Sort of like those I.O.U’s from the great state of California!  Oh it hurts, the economy…  The reality of it all, make it stop…

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Lily Allen Excessive Sweating Enough for Two Drug Addicts

We enjoy the existence of these excessive sweating celebrities, especially when they’re extra-complex sweaty celebrities…  Such as sloppy and sweaty Lily Allen.

Lily Allen looks like she’s hungry, just woke up from the bottom of the oceean and about to destroy a Japanese city in the photo to the left.  Our only hope is Mothra, or her passing out.  Would someone please think of the children!?

Okay, enough random references to Godzilla, Lily, really, you need to work  a little on the public appearance darling.  Just a little, because in reality, this politically aware British popstar has a lot to offer, besides controversy, sweating, substance abuse, a third nipple and girly songs…

Lily Allen, Cute on Stage with No Sweating

Lily Allen is active in politics and supports many progressive causes.  The sweaty singer even records in the only solar-powered recording studio in Great Britian.  She’s also written to members of parliament in the UK to back an amendment to the energy bill.

And, also, Lily Allen cleans up real well, as evidenced by the photo on the right.  It’s really like two different people, isn’t it?  Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

However, honestly, we’d love to get into some trouble with her anytime…  Give them something to talk about Miss Allen.

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Sweating Miley Cyrus Jogs like Like Emboldened Disney Slave

Besides being dissed by Radiohead at the Grammies, and the whole annoying teen Christian Popstar thing (yes, an oxymoron), sweaty Miley Cyrus isn’t too retarded. She’s basically a normal 16 year old girl who’s richer than most people on Earth and some small countries, and well, makes a lot of normal teen girl mistakes…

Click here to view the embedded video.

Being a sweaty teen sensation is tough, you can never have too many images of yourself for example (even though there are millions of image and videos of Miley Cyrus), so you take some sexy-Miley-time pictures, even though you’re suppose to be a wholesome Christian Disney product, and you flame the internets with your sexy, sweaty pics… But the thing is, this is like totally common teenage girl behavior that displays the stupid hypocrisy of teen and youth marketing. The hypocrisy of selling sex while selling religion (Britney Spears, Jonas Brothers, etc.) is like so overdone and obvious that it boggles the mind that it still works.

So publications like Vanity Fair, sell magazines by orchestrating controversy by having precious Christian Miley Ray Cyrus “topless,” even though there’s no nudity… Not even nipple.

We think the worst thing Miley Cyrus has done, besides date adult beefcake Justin Gaston, is make “slanty eyes” on camera with her other friends and then saying it was “simply making a goofy face”.  So we guess she thinks all Asians have “goofy faces”…  Stick to the singing and dancing Miley.

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Marisa Miller Sexy Fake Excessive Sweating

Sweat-loving Marisa Miller scouted at the ripe age of 16 strolling a San Francisco café by two Italian modeling agents (where do we sign up for such jobs?). She discussed it with her mom, Krista Bertetta, and was on her way to Italy, with her mother some weeks later.

Sexy sweating Marisa Miller soon gained modeling fame when she appeared in the 1997 issue of Perfect 10. Marisa came in third behind Ashley Degenford and Monica Hansen in Perfect 10 magazine’s first annual model search and then was repeatedly showcased in following issues, including the covers of the Winter 1998, Aug/Sept 1999, and Fall 2004 editions.

From some fantastic luck, sweaty Marisa Miller went from a start as an amateur magazine model to high profile mainstream work after an acquaintance showed a picture of her to famed fashion photographer Mario Testino in 2001. Mario Testino then wanted to meet Miller.  Marisa Miller was running a surf school at the time, and invited the famous photographer to Manhattan Beach, California, where she surfed.  We’re in love.  A total Califronia girl who loves getting sweaty and teaches surfing.  She’s our  sweating cloning candidate number one!

See more sweaty pics below:

Plastic Excessive Perspiration: Perfect Barbie Sweats Victoria’s Pits

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Hassle-Tits Sweaty Hasselhoff Strikes Again

Have you seen the new Knight Rider on NBC Hasselhoff? If explosive diarrhea was made into a TV show, you know, the kind where you break out into a cold-sweat, it would be something like the new Knight Rider. Just when you think the show can’t get any crappier, something new happens and everything’s a sweaty, smelly crappy mess again.

Oh, and if you’re wondering sweaty David Hasselhoff, they replaced your Kitt with a Ford Mustang. Yeah, we know, they went from one lower-level American sports car to another, more obnoxious, but equally lower-level American sports car, the Ford Shelby GT 500 KR Mustang. Oh wow, yeah, the Knight Rider character has all the money and resources in the world, but he chooses to super-size a Mustang with lasers and computer shiz. A stupid Mustang.

David Hasselhoff Stays Cool and Sweat-free Here

Knight Rider No Sweat

Anyways Hasselhoff, it was a real nice cameo you had in the two-hour backdoor pilot that aired on February 17, 2008. Keep up the good work, and try to keep those man-boobs dry and sweat-free, sweat lactation isn’t a good look for you.

Oh the 80′s, if we could only return to ridiculously simple plots propelled by one dimensional characters… What a sweat-free and careless retarded world it would be…

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Lou Ferrigno Nipple Excessive Sweating Make Hulk Cry

Hulk look at Ed Norton. Ed Norton so cute. Hulk want to breast feed Ed Norton! Ed, why you run from Hulk! Hulk force feed Ed! Ed too skinny. Ed make Hulk sweat all over! Hulk like way Ed make Hulk feel! Hulk feel funny inside. What you do to Hulk ED? Hulk nipples all wet with sweat! Hulk want to go steady with Ed Norton.

Lou Ferrigno Nipple Excessive Sweating and Friends

Yeah, we had to go there. Faucet-tits Lou Ferrigno is one of those sweaty actors, and we’re using that term loosely here, that you always sort of wonder about. Whatever happened to that one guy you say to yourself. You wonder what they’re doing. Wonder no longer friend…because Mr. Ferrigno has quite the website:

The Sweaty Lou Ferrigno Everything Lou Ferrigno Website

Yes, you can now have complete and utter, or sweaty udder closure on the incredible Lou Ferrigno. Close that chapter in your mind friend. Sleep soundly.

Now for an image from the past. What kind of sweaty fool would put on bad green makeup and make grunting sounds all day for their day job? Why Lou Ferrigno. Grrrrrrrrrrr! Why do we think Star Trek with the below image of the classic TV Hulk?

Lou Ferrigno No Sweating Hulk

Hulk smash mean bloggers! Hulk make you sweat in bad places! Hulk drown you with Hulk nipple sweating! Hulk think you not think Hulk funny then!

Damn that sweaty Hulk voice is addictive, you just want to go on and on with the Hulk charisma. We apologize if you are now doing the same impression, we feel like some kind of sweaty green monster.

Lou Ferrigno No Sweating Hulk

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Daniela Hantuchova Excessive Sweating for Adult Audiences Everywhere

Daniela Hantuchova, oh how you’ve grown up! And you look so happy to see all of us! We’re happy to see you and your two friends! Okay, we’ll stop the sweaty perving, we’re starting to feel like Chris Hanson from Dateline NBC is going to pop into the office at any moment now. We swear, she’s old enough, she plays really sweaty pro tennis for Christ’s sake!

Daniela Hantuchova No Sweat Looking Like a Doll

Oh, so many sexy perspiring wet tennis stars, so little time! Daniela Hantuchova, don’t worry about the explosive sweating, we don’t think anyone really minds, in fact, we’re all big fans, so keep on getting your wet on. Oh somebody stop us before we kill again! (Not literally you illiterate psychos, metaphorically, yeesh!)

For more sweaty Daniela Hantuchova action, check out our other posts:

Daniela Hantuchova Sweating at Celebrity Sweating.

And more sweat-inducing dry Daniela Hantuchova pics just for you, dear reader because we love you, with or without sweating. We really do.

Daniela Hantuchova No Sweat Cute as Can Be

Daniela Hantuchova No Sweat Rated PG-13

Oh the sweaty Zumanity!

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It looks like The Rock could be growing some sweaty moss soon, so he’s totally going to need that ridiculous Conan sword (a rolling stone gathers no moss?). That was our fortune cookie last night, so we had to go with it…

We don’t really have much to say about the sweaty monumental dude, seems alright, except for that whole speech thing at the Republican convention in 2000, yeah, The Rock is or used to be a Republican, yeah, totally gross, but everyone makes mistakes. Here’s The Rock doing what he does best, roll around on the matt and act like he’s in extremely sweaty mortal combat.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Yeah, sweaty wrestling, so obviously real, as real as a christian baptist minister on holiday.

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What is with musicians and popstars today? Every time they need to prove themselves they work “together” with other talent, in this case, douche bag Justin Timberlake, so that they can come out with the best album ever! (Sarcasm) It didn’t work for Michael Jackson, and it hasn’t worked for anyone since…

Check out the video for “4 Minutes.”

Click here to view the embedded video.

What the hell is this song about? What’s with Justin’s fake Michael Jackson vocals? Toss us the extra strength antiperspirant because we’re drenched with a kind of angry excessive sweating frustration. Sweaty Madonna, just fade away, quickly… Like the Clintons, you used to be so cool, now you’re just a miserable failure tainting your former glory… And the sucking doesn’t end with music, sweaty Madonna has to prove she sucks in all art forms…

Remember “Filth and Wisdom?” Yeah, Madonna, get back in the limousine, and drive far away where you can’t prove how much more you suck with any further embarrassments.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Sorry about that, yeah, we know, it’s like Madonna sweat all the cool out of herself and can’t figure out what’s interesting anymore.

For more sweaty Madonna posts:

Why is Madonna Sweating
Excessive Madonna, Sweats Excessively in Her Old Age

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Alas, she’s really good at the sweating, not so good with singles tennis, but rather good with the modeling and proud of it. Below is a pic of Anna in the early days of her perspiration career.

And a little Anna Kournikova sweaty mini-gallery to celebrate the always sweat-lubed straight-to-modeling tennis pro.

We never understand sweaty sports interviews and we really don’t understand perspiring online banter with fans. But Anna sounds so cute stating her disappointing comeback try here, poor thing, at least there’s modeling (if it wasn’t for tennis, we suspect she’d be a beauty school dropout). Ah, the sweaty end to it all…

A very sweaty end to a sweaty tennis career, we’ll miss the sweaty end very much…

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