Spawn of the Hulk, sweaty Brooke Hogan should of stayed on reality TV instead of launching her failed transvestite popstar tour. Dressing like she sold her normal clothes for crack because no one would pay for sex, Brooke Hogan not only needs a new stylist, but also some kind of fierce antiperspirant for her thunder thighs and the rest of her sweaty legs.
Sweating like she’s got a killer problem, Elisha Cuthbert likes to perspire on camera. Horror teen star can’t get a major hit, but she’s got no problem sweating it out on film.
We’re big fans, they’re aren’t many people who can combine watered-down wonder bread Hip Hop with Cholla aesthetic sensibilities and excessive wrapper popstar sweating. Is this just empty pop music or postmodernism? Ispomo(postmodernism) if you will, just a form of cultural colonialism? Steal and repackage for the impressionable teenage masses? Eh, who cares, it’s just capitalism. We just catalog excessively sweating celebrities and entertain where we can.
Who’s the Boss Star, Turned B-Movie Actress, Alyssa Milano Loves to Look Extra Sweaty, like all the time, in almost everything she does. Is it a desperate last attempt at relevance? Fame through sweaty wetness? If you’re losing the war on mass consciousness, we guess you should try every single weapon in your arsenal, some weapons like excessive perspiration, you try repeatedly…
We love Jack Nicholson, even an absurdly sweating Nicholson, we really do, and we give you the following picture with the most sincere affection for the Jack, sweaty granpa mess that he is.
Oh, the internets they are a something, especially when it comes to sweat-inducing irony of the sordid kind. Meet ever perspiring Allison Stokke, she’s a sweaty upper middle class kid from Orange County, California. There’s a farce of TV show about where’s she’s from, what was the name of it again?
Allison Stokke is quite possibly a future Olympian, whose some kind of kickass athlete who’s broken many national pole vaulting records, while hardly breaking a sweat. We’d go into detail about the records, but frankly, we’re not interested in the vaulting. We’re into the lurid and sweaty back story. The below picture of a glowing, glistening and tastefully sweating Allison Stokke is what is flaming through the “internets.”
Anne Hathaway may not wear Prada, but certainly she should wear antiperspirant for her underarm excessive sweating. That kind of over sweating could drive a boyfriend away into the arms of another man, well, in her case, probably not (being impossibly cute does have its benefits). However, Anne Hathaway’s new sexy, sweaty image as evidenced by her recent choices in roles: Brokeback Mountain, Havoc and The Devil Wears Prada.
Nicole Kidman doesn’t need Tom Cruise, but she does need some major ‘down-under’ antiperspirant. We always thought she was an alien, but now, she might be human with all that excessive armpit sweating. Kidman does indeed sweat like a full grown man.
Straight as an arrow Kevin Spacey gives the big thumbs up recently to something, we don’t quite know what. Maybe he just saw Brad Pitt’s thighs in Troy. Likely reason as any for Kevin Spacey excessive perspiration. Or perhaps he’s sweating with excitement that they’re making sequels to The Usual Suspect and Seven.
America Ferrera of Ugly Betty fame, is sweaty armpits Betty in ‘real life.’ Everyone’s ‘two A.M. bar’ pick, sweaty Betty is obviously not quite ready for true stardom.
Plant killer Alicia Silverstone sweats vegan goodness out of her perspiring armpits. Harness the power of that celebrity vegan sweating, fill up your biodiesals! Who would of thought that Clueless Batgirl could be an alternative energy source.
Has anyone ever asked the question whether brown spandex goes with fake diamonds and sweet-spot over-sweating? We seriously doubt that she has really thought about it either, we seriously doubt that Beyonce thinks about anything. We do know that she sweats about a lot of stuff however…
Halle Berry in a sequel to her bomb, Catwoman, has come up with Sweaty Pussy: Catwoman’s Revenge. We think it’s gonna be a big perspiring hit, it makes us sweat excessively just thinking about it.
While accepting her award as Harvard’s Hasty Pudding WOMAN OF THE YEAR, Halle Berry got a little freaky on stage and really sweaty. Our number one reason to have ‘jungle fever,’ is a lovely sweaty sexual beast.
That’s some crazy Catwoman sweating action. Halle Berry is making everyone feel good, Monster’s Ball style.
Women… They’re just after the gold. Harvard gets fooled and used. Nothing like Ivy League hurt feelings, sweaty Catwoman conquers all.
Juliette Lewis is fiercely sweating into major celebrity obscurity. A one time Hollywood ‘it’ girl, has some incredibly leaky armpits. Very much like the Salton Sea, Juliette Lewis’s career is a lifeless, salty wonder. How did it all come about? And how did it all go wrong? Now all that is left is a salty, sweaty cesspool.
A one time Brad Pitt speed bump, Juliette Lewis needs to wear some serious antiperspirant for her sweating problems. Go peaceably (with controlled sweating) into the night fading star…
One half of the photo from the TMZ special celebrity sweating section…
We’re not quite sure what this is, but of course, we think it could be interesting (meaning it could be celebrity sweating). Or do we just like to point out her crotch like “The Socialite Life” says in their post. It’s most likely a spilt drink, but maybe Lindsay Lohan has a sweating problem?
It’s not as if Lindsay doesn’t have enough problems, excessive sweating would be a relief for her and her ‘people.’ Reports are coming in that rehab was just a celebrity stunt at getting the public to think that she’s dealing with her partying problems and reports also that, well, Lindsay really has too much love to give. Below Lindsay’s passing some Columbian magic dust to one of Lohan’s drug buddies of the moment…
“In an average night Lindsay will do two and half grams of coke on her own. She doesn’t buy it—she is given it by friends and acquaintances, and it turns her into an angry monster. I have watched many a time Lindsay treating her staff like crap.”
In the above bathroom photo, a dilated Lindsay Lohan looks on, waiting for the next hit of the party powder. Oh Lindsay, why couldn’t you just have a sweating problem? Instead you have to all crackhead in the gossip mags. Below, Lindsay Lohan looks introspective realizes the truth and power of the White Horse and wants to ride forever.
Lindsay Lohan in a moment of prayer, in the church of celebrity, imbetween white horses…
Below, heated drug and sweat fueled discussion about the treatment of cocaine workers in South America (not).
And finally, more evidence, the White Horse does indeed poop, often times on sweaty celebrities.
“When she is on coke, which is most of the time, all the attention has to be on her. I have lost count of the number of times I have watched as she stripped naked in front of everyone. Then she loves to check herself out in the mirror as she parades around with her boobs hanging out. One night we had gone back to her place and, as always, as soon as she walked through the door she stripped down to her thong, bent down and snorted cocaine off her coffee table and then off her toilet seat.”
Yes, we know Lindsay Lohan, you simply have too much love to give, we empathize. The same “friend” who’s been releasing the video, leaving the above quotes and has this further to say about Lindsay’s unquenchable desire:
“She has told me that she has slept with James Blunt, Jude Law, Calum Best, Joaquin Phoenix, Benicio Del Toro, Jared Leto and James Franco,” admitted the friend. “She loves Brits and has told me she has slept with the singer James Blunt a few times over the past month. The last time was on April 15 after another house party. I think they went back to a hotel together afterwards. She is very protective over him and when she heard I had met him she sent me a text saying, ‘Stay away from him Bitch, he is mine.’”
With friends dishing dirt like this, who needs stalkers? Et Tu Brute?
Hairy and ridiculously sweating David Hasselhoff just can’t recover from the co-dependant relationship he had with his talking lower-level sports car, Kitt. Oh David, we know you’re going through some hard times, we too would like a benevolent GM built, supped up, working man’s Porsche with lasers covering our backs. But get over it, stop the excessive sweating, the drinking and the floor eating, it’s really all too much.
No amount of running on the beach with your sweaty hairy pecs bouncing in the wind is going to make up for this kind behavior David. Your daughter is more mature then you. We understand SHE never had such a tight relationship with a car, but get some therapy man. Kitt’s not coming back. Knight Rider is over dude.
In the above photo, David thinks he’s spotted a flying Kitt. Kitt never flew Hasselhoff. Wake up! Kitt was just a more evolved General Lee without all the Red State whitewashing. You’re dreaming man, Kitt’s gone and stop the all-pervasive perspiration, it’s really unbecoming. And if Kitt did come back, I don’t think it would approve of all the drunken nights of eating on the floor and being scolded by your young daughter to stop drinking.
One man can make a difference without a talking car, find some sweating-problem-stopping deodorant and please drink in moderation (away from your impressionable daughter who has a video camera).
Perez Hilton has his own spin on this, however, with no sweating…
Russian ‘hot springs’ Anna Kournikova can release some major excessive sweating. For being a D-list tennis star, she works up a jaw-dropping level of sweat while losing match after match. Perhaps tennis is only secondary to releasing the enourmous amount of perspiration and fluids within, otherwise this blonde bombshell could perhaps explode. Warning, some of the following heavy sweating images may be PG-13…
Glistening Anna Kournikova’s a much better C-List celebrity then she is a D-list tennis star with performance hyperhidrosis, but who’s complaining? We think she’s a fantastic reason to watch tennis. She’s a sweaty Maxim photo spread in motion. Notice exhibit B below, however, look away if you have a heart condition:
We figure now that Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild is in jail, we’d step up our own ‘sweaty girl wildness.’ We hope you don’t mind, we like to fill voids when they happen, it keeps us going.
(If you’re going to really, really sweat, we recommend wearing some darker clothing and um, some effective antiperspirant? You never know what kind of lenses those creepy paparazzi have when you’re at your sweatiest…)
Houston, we have a sweating problem. More Anna Kournikova sweating here…
We don’t exactly know who or what sweaty Fergie is saluting here, but we think she might be a tad bit nervous about it. We think the perspiration swamps that are underneath her arms are good indicators that ‘all’s not good in da hood.’
Fergie just has so many issues with her fluids. As reported by our prior post, “A River Runs Through Fergie,” Fergie is just an explosion of urine (most likely) and perspiration waiting to happen. Don’t worrie Fergie, being patriotic these days gets us sweaty too with everything that’s going on in the world, but you don’t have to be such a fierce leaker, get’s some excellent antiperspirant yo.
Victoria’s Secret has proclaimed Jessica Alba (note the sweaty post-workout version of Jessica Alba below) as this years “sexiest actress.” We didn’t know she did any “acting.” Did you? However, she is quite fetching, even in all of her over perspiring glory. Jessica Alba, you will always be one of our favorite silver screen fillers.
As you can see from a That Other Blog post, Jessica Alba can really work up some excessive perspiration which we think has everything to do with being the sexiest actress. Jessica Alba, you are our favorite postmodern, sweaty, multicultural actress. You are the female Vin Diesel of B-Movies, just more evolved and every bit as smart!
Ashlee oh-my-god-my-boobs-will-never-be-big-enough Simpson just loves to taste the sweaty air around her. Yes, we are scared, impressed and intrigued by Ashlee Simpson’s tongue and her sweaty wetness as well. In this update to our recent Ashlee Simpson sweat-a-lot post, Miss Simpson shows us how truly charming she is:
Ashlee, we know it’s tough to live in the shadow of your bigger sister’s cleavage, thus you moved to the shadow of Emo dead end, Pete Wentz. Ashlee Simpson takes a lick’n, and keeps on sweat’n.
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