Sweaty douchebags otherwise known as Panic at the Disco, recently held a press conference on January 10th in which their lead douche, Brendon Urie, had an excessive outburst of sweating sincerity. We all know that annoying boy bands will never die because hormonally-challenged sweaty teenage girls will always be hormonally-challenged sweaty teenage girls, and thus exceptionally mediocre things like Panic at the Disco will be forced upon our consciousness. Furthermore, there are always a million different ways to repackage annoying boy bands, giving them facades of contemporary relevance. Excessively sweaty Panic at the Disco is just a part of the current crop of annoying boy bands that litter the soundscape with fastfood-like music packaged in this and that dying alternative music style.

Panic at the Disco’s perspiration filled press conference was to announce that they, oh my god Becky, are headlining the Honda Civic Tour. Could you imagine David Bowie headlining the Ford Pinto Tour in the late 70′s? I mean what kind of sweaty douchebags sign on for the Honda Civic Tour? The kind that know that they suck and want to cash out as quickly as possible. There’s like a ton of different ways to make money in the music game, if a sponsor isn’t right for your image, well, there are other sponsors… These guys might as well whore themselves on Sunset Boulevard because you can’t really sellout any less transparently. Oh yeah, did we say that they’re sweaty douchebags?

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